Testing *tap, tap, tap* Testing....

So another week and four negative pregnancy tests later (three home one blood) and I still have not started my period. Why is it that once the cycle is over it can't just be over (and really, on some level I shouldn't complain here because when am I happy?? First two cycles were to short, now this one we are sitting on day 36...). I have actually avoided writing this post because I knew I would start soon...no need to stay so focused on NOT being pregnant. I am really trying to put my mind other places. To normal life and summer and friends and Nick. It is just that it is so damn hard when I am just waiting...

I have actually been okay since the first test on Tuesday. It hit me so hard I think I was numb to the rest of them. I really didn't hold out any hope when they said to test again on days thirty and thirty-two because I was convinced I had not started because I was still on the progesterone. I was sure when I stopped taking that, the period would come. When I was on the pill I would start spotting in the afternoon if I missed my pill that morning. I went off the progesterone on Friday...still nothing.

I honestly still didn't have false hopes for this. I knew the test was plenty late enough by Friday to have picked it up if there was any chance I was pregnant, but I thought I should go in for the blood test just so my mind didn't wonder to places it shouldn't go, and we wouldn't find myself in pieces again over the same failed cycle....so I got the call yesterday afternoon that I am still NOT pregnant. Good to know. She said they could start me on hormones to get me going, but I would have to take them for ten days before they would work. At this point I figured it was better to just give it time. No need for one more hormone in the system...

I did find out that I am having a procedure to check the quality of my lining. It will most likely be next week, but will depend on when I start. I will tell you more about that when I know (because I can't help but share everything)...and then I will be doing our first IVF cycle in August! Somehow I didn't expect them to give me a date already...I thought it would be more wait and see, but we are rolling straight into IVF...just as soon as I start my damn period.