I feel like everything I am doing, everything I am talking about these days, is just lacking focus. I try to sit down and write on here my thoughts and life details, but when I go back and read over what I have written...it sounds strung together. Struggling for a real point. Definitely not my best blogging. I want to tell you about the X-files movie (I know not everyone liked it, but I SERIOUSLY thought it was great! Maybe not blockbuster material, but one perfect long episode where I got to revisit with my friends Mulder and Scully...my parents liked it and the didn't even watch the show. I think it is worth a movie ticket!) or I want to show you my new favorite youtube video which may or may not have made me cry at work yesterday (turn it up, it has music) but then that is the extent of the thought. A few sentences, and then my mind goes back. Back to the IVF.
It isn't just the blog, it is taking over my mind in all aspects of my life. I find myself dying to discuss it, but then when asked I don't really have anything to say beyond it is all going well...taking my shots. Just waiting. I think about it constantly. The hopes and the fears. I am scared to death that it will not work. Each step that we make it to I rejoice that we are closer, but I fear that I will panic when it comes to the egg transfer and literally all my eggs are in the one basket. If this is hard, how can I do the two week wait and keep a normal life?
They say the best thing to do during IVF is be normal. Try not to worry and just live life. I am trying. I really am, it's just when there is something this big, how can I possibly think of anything else. How can I not worry myself sick in the silent of the night. I am trying. I am spending time with friends and seeing movies. I am blogging, maybe not well, but I am here. Trying to stay normal. Focus on life. Thanks for staying with me during the crazy. Thanks for giving me the distraction, or at least reading the ramblings of my distraction. It means more than I could ever say.
***The youtube link is now working!***
I really understand and it sucks!! If you want to talk about it with me ANY TIME, feel free!! Even if we just talk about not talking about it!!! :) I tried to watch the youtube link but it's not working...
ReplyDeleteI am shocked that you liked the X-Files movie. I thought that, at most, it would have been worthy of a "to-be-continued" episode on the original show. Very thin veil of what the show used to be.
ReplyDeleteOMG!! The lion video!! I cried like a baby!!
ReplyDeleteOops...that above comment is from ME not Sarah...I was signed it as her on accident. :)
ReplyDeleteI :::heart::: X-Files and I'm thrilled that I finally found an IF blogger who's a fan, too :) I'm ready to go see the movie again (for the fourth time). Apparently I missed some little things... like how Piper is in the background in like three scenes!)
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean by not being focused on anything. I'm starting BCPs next week and am already struggling to fill my time and just live life. I know once I start injections I'll be a crazy mess and I don't even want to think about the two week wait.
I :::heart::: X-Files and I'm thrilled that I finally found an IF blogger who's a fan, too :) I'm ready to go see the movie again (for the fourth time). Apparently I missed some little things... like how Piper is in the background in like three scenes!)
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean by not being focused on anything. I'm starting BCPs next week and am already struggling to fill my time and just live life. I know once I start injections I'll be a crazy mess and I don't even want to think about the two week wait.
I've been obsessed since we started ths whole family forming business and now I'm doubly obsessed w/the upcoming IVF.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the X-File review!!
I think it is perfectly natural to become obsessed with things, both good and bad, to the point where that is all you can think about. You are doing the right thing to try to just go about your normal life, writing, working, spending time with your friends and family. The time will pass. It truly will. It always does!
ReplyDeleteUnfocused is a great way to describe it.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, that video just made me cry. Where's the kleenex? I am totally blaming the hormones for this...
i'm sure everyone has experienced some form of lack of focus. i think mine started when i had kids... i have absolutely no focus on anything else.
ReplyDeleteyou have alot on your plate right now and hang in there. IVF is scary... (so i've heard) and we're all here for you. :)
I can't even imagine. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteMaybe meditation would help? Anything to just relax and focus on your breathing and nothing else.
What happens will happen. ((hug))
I know. I keep thinking maybe this is the new normal for right now and I just need to focus on staying afloat. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI saw the lion video in my Petwarmers newsletter a week or so ago and cried like a baby. I got misty again just now watching the you tube video. The love between humans and animals is an incredibly special bond. It is one of the most valuable things in my life. Wish everyone understood just how special our four footed friends really are.
ReplyDeleteHand in there honey. The time will pass and soon you will be a Mama and it will all have been worth it. I SO understand obsession. I'm currently obsessed with the wedding. Can't seem to think about anything else. Crazy!!
That lion youtube video totally made me smile!
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