Nemesis

I was hoping this wouldn't have to be a topic on my blog so soon. Let's be honest, I was hoping this would never have to be a topic on my blog again. Unfortunately, here we are, back on the subject. My endometriosis has been killing me the past couple of weeks. *giant sigh*. I never had a lot of hope about it being gone entirely, but I was sure hoping to avoid the pain and discomfort until I was done nursing. Looks like I am not that lucky.

I just don't get to be normal. Most people don't have periods when breast feeding. I, on the other hand, have been spotting the entire time. Not everyday but a couple of days out of the week usually. Sometimes more, sometimes less. This is even with me on birth control. The doctor said if I went off that things would be worse.

It just sucks. I was just starting to look forward to the days of being done nursing. Of having s little break between Henry and our next baby. Not a long break, but a little time to just be me. Not pregnant or nursing me, just me on my own. And now here I sit cramping and bleeding and unable to even pee without doubling over in pain. Turns out me on my own kinda sucks. The doctors say they can't do anything to help until I stop nursing, which I don't want to do until May. Then we can try different birth controls. Maybe surgery. Or we can talk about pregnancy. So for now, I just deal with it. And complain to you all. Endometriosis sucks.

Getting Old

Back a few months ago I was teasing Nick. To fully understand you need to know that we live just around the corner from a large private high school. On weekends in the fall, when they have home football games, the entire neighborhood is overrun with cars. People will park anywhere they can find a place and walk over to the game. So, on one random Friday night I walked into our living room to see him with the TV on pause, the lights off, peaking out the blinds of the front window. I am all like, "What the heck are you doing??" and he says, "There are kids DRINKING in that car!" And I am all like, "So??" and he is like, "Sarah....the are DRINKING! In the CAR! In front of our house! They are high school students and they are DRINKING before the game!" This is when I crack up. Because...well...who is this man. He is freaking out because some high schoolers are drinking a little before a football game? He is peaking out the blinds at them. He is just so horrified with the entire idea of it all. And this starts the new tradition of me calling Nick an old man. It was just so... mature. So very grown up coming from the man I have been with since we were eighteen and nineteen.

So I have taken joy in Nick's old soul. How he was so disturbed by this underage drinking. And not just that, but by the garbage the kids leave in our yard. By the overall rowdiness of the high school students. I just picture him shaking his fists at the young whipper snappers to stay off his grass! To shake a cane at them maybe. I have known that I am clearly the one of the two of us that has stayed young at heart. I don't mind the high schoolers drinking or hanging out on our street corner. I remember that time. It is all harmless. I get it.

But then...Sunday happened. I was running to Panara to get some lunch and I swing to pull into an empty parking spot right in front. "How GREAT!" I think. Then I slam on my breaks. There is a table in the spot. A table from the patio. Along with four chairs. Two of which have two college girls sitting in them. In shorts. I am annoyed. I mean, why in the hell are they sitting in a perfectly good parking spot? I notice the line of the sun. They are just over it. They wanted to eat where it was warm. So I back out and find another spot. One much much further away.

As I walk into the store I cannot stop looking at the girls. Annoyed with the way they are oblivious to their surroundings. As I walk into the store I hear a disagreement. Two college aged guys are arguing with the manager. The manager is flustered. They guys are enjoying themselves. The manager says it is not safe to sit out there. It is not safe to leave the table in the parking lot. The store is liable. bla bla bla. The guys are obnoxious and I feel for the manager. Finally they leave the store and rejoin the girls at the table. Laughing and talking. Not moving. As I leave the store I get stuck behind a car. A car with a sorority sticker. It pulls up next to the table and blocks the intersection. And it stays there. IT STAYS THERE. And they laugh. And they talk. And they clearly think the entire situation is hilarious.

You all, I got so mad. I was mad for the manager. I was mad that I had to park so far away. I was mad that now I was stuck behind the idiots. And so I hatched a plan. A plan to write a letter to the girls sorority and complain. To tell them how obnoxious and rude these stupid college kids are being because...because...

and then it hit me. I am old too. I totally would have been the idiot in the parking lot in college. I would have been the kid drinking in the car in high school. And here we are. Annoyed. Thinking "How reckless!" , "How inconsiderate!" , "How immature!!". Right. So, I am officially a grown up now. I just hate to think how much I annoyed the thirty year olds around me when I was 18 and completely obnoxious...and of course thought I knew everything. Good Lord.

PS. I decided to NOT send the letter. Once I calmed down I decided I was definitely not THAT old. Maybe in twenty years I would take the time to actual lodge an official complaint. For now I will just complain to you all.

Figure Skating

So I am totally in love with the Olympics. TOTALLY IN LOVE. I cannot stop watching. Anything and everything that is even slightly Olympic related...I am there. So the other night when it was pairs figure skating I was overjoyed. I plopped down on the couch and gave Nick an expectant look something along the lines of "OMG it's FIGURE SKATING!! The pinnacle of the winter Olympics!! YAAAAY!!" And he gave me a look along the lines of "REALLY? Figure skating? Men in leotards? Not interested" He then gets up to go work in the garage. A very manly thing to do. Way more manly that watching pairs figure skating. To which, I am like, these people DEFY PHYSICS what with their jumps and their twirls and their lifts! It is magic I tell you. How can you not watch?

So anyway, I judge Nick a little because I decide he is clearly being sexist against a truly amazing sport. I decide Henry is going to LOVE figure skating! The music! The jumps! The twirls! THE DEFYING PHYSICS! So I plop him down in his office and settle in to prove it is not something only women like to watch. I get totally sucked in to some amazing performance and then I hear it. The sound of pure joy. Henry is laughing. And he is laughing hard. He is LOVING this! So I look over at him. Expecting to see him glued to the TV. And you know what I saw? I saw his back turned to the TV. His toy in his hand. And he is smacking it. Hard. In the face. And then laughing hysterically at it.

So...the figure skating did not give him joy. The punching the toy in the face did. He is such a boy already.

Peak-a-Boo

Well, I single handedly cursed us. Not twelve hours after hitting publish on the last post (bla bla bla...NEVER SICK...bla bla bla) Henry and I came down with a nasty little bug. Henry is handling it like a champ. I wouldn't even know he was sick if his nose wasn't running. Me on the other hand...man oh man this kid must be tough because this bug sucks! It actually moved into a sinus infection for me, so after being up all night feeling like hell last night, I went to the doctor today and got on some antibiotics. They should take care of it and I will be back to my normal not-snot-nosed self. I can't wait.

Anyway, I thought I would go ahead and give you all another video! That takes very little thought and my headache appreciates the simplicity of it. Plus the video is adorable. Enjoy!

Peak-a-Boo from Sarah on Vimeo.

Nine Month Stats

Well, we went to see Henry's doctor today for his nine month check up. When we were there it hit me that this boy has really not been sick much at all since being born. (knock on wood, knock on wood, knock on wood) He had his one virus when he was six weeks old (which did cause the choking horror and land us in the ER due to the low grade fever) and then he had a cold around Thanksgiving, but it wasn't bad enough to take him to the doctor. So...basically Henry has only been to the doctor one time in the last nine months because he was actually sick. That really says something about breast feeding! Or his immune system. Or something. It says something about something, I am sure.

Anyway, Henry is growing like a weed. This visit was awesome because there were no shots. Just some measurements and talking about his progress. All in all an easy appointment. So...here are the stats

Height: 28 inches (5oth percentile. He is catching up!)

Weight: 16 lbs 12 oz (5th percentile. Still a skinny guy, but I was always in the 5th percentile too, so I figure it's just genetics)

Head: 18 1/4 inches. That's 75th percentile. So looks like he got my gigantic head too. He can totally pull it off though. No worries. Henry says: "Mama, every girl loves skinny, big headed boys! Don't you know that?!?!"

Mama says: "Henry! You are way too little to be talking about what girls love!"

Nine Months

Dear Henry,

My sweet boy, everyday you grow and develop, and even though I am here to watch it happen, it constantly blows my mind. You are so aware of your surroundings. You want the chance to touch, to taste, to understand this entire world. Your attention to detail is staggering. You see things most people would never notice. You take the time to stop and really look. Something I hope you continue to do as you grow from this sweet baby into a child, and then a man.

You are the happiest baby I have ever known. You smile and laugh all the time. You love playing games like peak-a-boo or I'm-Gonna-Get-Ya. You love Patty cake and the Itsy Bitsy Spider. You love to read books. Honestly, you just love being played with. Your laugh is infectious. It warms the hearts of everyone who loves you. We are so lucky that you share it with us so often.

You are just starting to pull yourself up onto your feet in your crib. You are so proud of yourself when you do it right. You will look up at us and just shriek with joy. You are also "talking" all the time. Your favorite thing to say is Mama, but you wave bye-bye and say "bababa" a lot as well. You whisper Papa, and we aren't sure why, but it is the sweetest thing ever. When you do these things we reply with lots of claps and encouragements; beaming with pride at how smart and amazing you are. This encouragement is the first of many times we get to see in your face how our support is so important to you. How you thrive on it. How important it is, as your Mama and Papa, to be there and tell you that we are proud. We will try our hardest to remember it as you grow. To always be there to say how proud we are of you and to not just assume you know. Because Henry, we are so proud . So in awe of the person you will become. These little steps make me realize more and more how lucky I am to be your Mama. To be the person you cheers you on. Who holds you when you fall. Who loves you like I have never loved anyone before. I will try to be the best Mama. Because you deserve the best. The best of everything. And we will do our best to give you what we can, but what we know we can give without limit is love and support. We are always here for you my sweet boy. Always cheering you on. Your number one fans.

XOXO,

Mama

A Video of Henry NOT Pulling Up

We had to lower Henry's crib down yesterday because the sweet boy has officially learned how to pull himself up! Amazing seeing as how he still isn't crawling, but we wont question the order he chooses to do things. Anyway, I attempted to get a video of him showing off his pulling up skills tonight, but instead got a video of him waving bye bye to himself. I know I am his mama, but I still think it might be the cutest thing I have ever seen. I knew I hadn't posted a video in awhile, so I thought you would like to see the boy. Maybe the next one I post will actually have him saying Mama or standing up on his own. For now, enjoy the adorableness that is Henry.

Henry in His Crib from Sarah on Vimeo.

Good Morning

Yesterday morning Henry was still sound asleep when it was time for him to nurse before I left for work. I went into his room and whispered good morning to my sweet boy. I rubbed his belly and kissed his head and finally he was pulled out of his sleepy world. He dozed a little on the changing table and was still pretty groggy as we walked into the living room. It was there that we ran into Nick. He too was just out of bed and a little groggy. He said good morning to me and Henry, and Henry turned to look at his Papa. Slowly, Henry took one hand and placed it on Nick's cheek. Then, while leaving his first hand in place, he looked back at me and touched my face with his other hand. A huge smile broke out across his face as he looked from one of us to the other. Then he reached out for Nick. Just long enough for a good morning hug. Then he was reaching back for me. Head on my shoulder. Ready for nursing.

Every time I think of our sweet morning interaction it warms my heart. He may not know how to say he loves us in words. But he has found his own way of saying it which is just as clear.

**Thank you all so much for the great comments on the sleeping post! You all make me feel so much better. I did want to say that when I re-read the post I sounded like I don't nurse him every night. That is a lie. I do try to only nurse him one time in the night, but I fail at that sometimes too. Still, we have had three good nights in a row of him only waking up once for a quick nursing and then back into his bed. We are finding our way. I am excited to try several of your alls ideas to see if they help. If they don't, I will just enjoy those sweet stolen moments with my boy in the night. And then maybe let him sleep with us. Just for a little while.**

Sleeping Issues...Again

I am exhausted. Truly. Henry is still not sleeping through the night. He wakes up one to three times every night. Honestly, it feels like winning the grand prize if it is just once. We have tried everything except letting him cry for hours. We give him time, and sometimes it works, but that doesn't change the fact that we are awake. Laying in our room listening to him fuss in his room. Waiting and holding our breaths that he will go back to sleep. Sometimes I think the nights I get up and nurse him are easier than that. At least he goes back to sleep easy when I nurse him. Back to sleep for the night, or for a few hours. No way to know.

We have been bringing him back to bed with us on the really bad nights, and then he will sleep easy. I just don't know that we want to start always letting him sleep with us. I am tempted to join the co-sleeping camp and call it quits. We are just so...tired. Exhausted. Beat. But, he sleeps so well in his bed sometimes. It doesn't seem like I should change that. His bedtime is way before ours, and I don't want him in our room alone. Plus, he is rolling so much now it doesn't feel safe to have him in our bed without both of us there. The other morning I was in the shower and he managed to get close to the edge in that fifteen minutes. I just don't know.

We have added more food in before bed. We try to let him calm down and not go in his room. We try to avoid nursing in the night and just going in there to sooth him, but leave him in his crib. But then there are the times he gets so worked up. Screaming and getting chocked he is so upset. I just don't understand why he keeps waking up when for so long he slept all night. It is so frustrating. And it is getting so old...

I know I have posted about this before, but it is still happening so we are back here again. When I sat down to post all I could think was, "I am too tired to blog". So...that's where we are. Any advice (Again) is welcome.

Addicted

I have it bad. I am so ridiculously hooked on Lost. It's like the love had gone dormant during the long months away, and then over the last couple of weeks it has re-awoken. Taking over what can only be described as an embarrassingly large part of my brain. All the questions! What will happen? How can they end it? Will Claire come back? What is up with Locke? Who is the man in black? Will this end happy? Will this end sad? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO END???

I thought once the season started I would be able to calm down. Watch and enjoy each week, but surely not spend time obsessing. But oh, I was wrong. They had to go and make the two hour season premiere AWESOME. And...and...they answered questions, but there are still MORE questions. And the two time lines, and things are different, and yet the same. I just...I love it. I LOVE IT. I am just sad I have to wait an entire week to get my next fix. Oh, and that it is only going to be an hour. Not nearly long enough.

PS. I am sure Nick is thrilled it will only be an hour rather than the three hour extravaganza of last week seeing as how he doesn't watch the show and spent the entire time alone in the other room.

PPS. If it was me, I would have watched the show I am not a big fan of, just to be TOGETHER, but whatever. He chose solitude. I had my friends on the island with me, so I was not lonely.

PPPS. Look, a picture of my sweet boys for all you non-Lost addicts!

**LOVE**

Hello Old Friend

Well, it's official. Weight Watchers works. I have lost exactly ten pounds and am now back to my pre-pregnancy weight! I am not really back to my pre-pregnancy body, but that may never return. I guess that's just one of those things you must accept after growing another human inside your body for nine months.

Funny that when I got pregnant I was so unhappy with this weight, and now it seems like such a glorious number. Don't get me wrong, I do still want to drop another ten pounds of infertility weight, but for now this is very rewarding. YAY!!

**also, just to get this out there, I am doing the breast feeding mother Weight Watcher plan. I wouldn't want you all to think I wasn't taking sweet Henry into account when cutting calories. He hasn't seemed to notice any change in his milk supply, but I have noticed a change in the way my jeans fit! **