Four Years, ICLW and Back on the TTC Band Wagon

Four years ago today I married my very best friend. We have been through a lot in these four years, but it was always better because we were together. Over the last few years I have posted the video I made of some picture of our wedding day on our anniversary, but I am thinking you all may be a little tired of that. What? You aren't tired of it at all? You LOVE watching a video of random snapshots set to music? Well, IF YOU INSIST!

Sarah and Nick's Wedding from Sarah on Vimeo.

Next year I promise to make a new video of our actual time as a married couple. That will be fun. My only regret about this video is that I didn't have the professional pictures yet when I made it. They are so much better than these. Oh well. Happy Anniversary to us! Henry is off to Nanny and Papaw's for the night and we are going on an honest to god DATE NIGHT! It is going to be so awesome.

Also, today is the start of ICLW. Last month was my first time jumping on the ICLW band waggon, and you all...I LOVED IT! Who wouldn't? People come and leave you a million comments, and you get to read a ton of fabulous blogs you never would have found otherwise. So if you are here from ICLW, Welcome! You can see our TTC history here.

The only thing to add to that time line is that we have recently decided to start trying for a baby on our own for three months before we go back to the RE at the beginning of the year. This is actually the first I have mentioned of it on here...because somehow trying at home feels more personal... And I just felt like if I told you all, I would get my hopes up too high, so I kept it quite. I wrote a post to tell you, but it is still in my draft box. Waiting for the right moment, which never seemed to come. I thought it was the best decision to just stay silent. But then as we rolled into our two week wait, my hopes got SO HIGH anyway, and I had full fledged convinced myself I was pregnant and was planning how to tell you all. It was going to be all like, "SURPRISE!!!" but then I took a test yesterday and there it was, a blaring negative. And it all came crashing back down on me. The heart break, the insecurity, the embarrassment that I had actually let myself believe it was possible for this very infertile couple to just turn up pregnant.

So...I decided to go ahead and let you all in. We are trying again. Just for a couple more months, but we just had to know if it could be that easy. No money, no hormones, just pregnant. I have struggled with the idea of our embryos. Struggled a lot, but I have prayed about it and really think that whatever is suppose to happen will happen. So here we are. Back in the land of two week waits and searching for signs. Maybe this will be our month, but I am not betting on it. It's just worth a shot.