Care Bears and Rainbows and Heart Ache

When I was little and I had a bad dream or some terrible thought kept me up at night, I would lay in bed, take deep breaths, and think of care bears and rainbows. That was my go-to safe place. I had no idea why this is what came to mind, but when life got too hard, that is where I went. Care Bears and Rainbows and something happy. It worked every time. As I grew up I didn't ever really use it on purpose, but sometimes when I was really really tired, and had a bad dream, my mind would just sorta drift to it. Care Bears and Rainbows and something happy.

One day a few years back I was ridding in the car with my sisters and we were somehow talking about a bad dream or something that was keeping Missy up at night. My little sister said, "It freaks me out! I keep telling myself, think of care bears and rainbows and something happy!" Boo and I both looked at her and laughed. Apparently we all thought of care bears and rainbows. It was our mom's instructions on how to handle bad dreams. And it stuck. With all of us. Later I started using the details of our wedding day as my safe place, and then using the details of everything I can remember from the day Henry was born. Something to think of, to focus on besides the terrible awful thing that wants to take over my thoughts as I try to drift off to sleep. But sometimes, when I am really tired, my mind goes back to the old tried and true Care Bears and Rainbow vision. I caught myself using it last night at 3am when I was awoken from yet another bad dream, and it reminded me of my sisters. And then I once again had to start over to find a place not filled with worry and fear.

Missy went back up to National Cancer Institute (NCI) in Bethesda, MD to meet with her doctor and have her follow up MRI done on Friday. Missy had not been feeling well for the last couple of weeks and this trip was draining on her. When the doctor came in they expected to hear that MRI looked good, come back in three months and we will check for new growth. Unfortunately that isn't what the doctor told them. They found out instead that there is new growth of the tumor. Enough growth that the doctor wants to go in and remove it. After all of this radiation and chemotherapy she still has enough growth to where her doctor thinks it is needed to have a second brain surgery, then to start a new chemotherapy because clearly the first was ineffective. Radiation cannot be done again because she had already had her maximum dose, but surgery and chemo can still options, so that's what is happening.

Of course we are all sort of in shock. How could this non-aggressive cancer have grown enough since her last MRI in November to need surgery again? How could the treatments have not worked? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? The answers for now are that we just don't know. But we will start back over. Start with another brain surgery, this time at the NCI, and then a new treatment plan. Missy is upset, but also relieved to know that there was a reason she had been feeling this bad. As side effects of the original treatments should have been wearing off, she just kept feeling worse and worse. Her headaches are back, her emotions were all over the place and she was plagued with nausea. All of this is due to the location of the new tumor.

The good news is this new growth is very operable. The surgeon believes he can get 90-95% of the tumor. Then hopefully the new chemotherapy will do what it is suppose to do and we will be back on track. Of course we are all scared, but we are all feeling positive too. We can't take her cancer away, so at least she knows what she is fighting. At least she has an amazing team of doctors who are going to do everything they can to fight this. We have a lot of hope. But we also have heart ache, that this is where we are back to. That five months after the first surgery she is going in again. And that is what is keeping me up at nights, needing happy thoughts to calm down and to help me maybe fall asleep. Care bears and rainbows. As an adult they don't always make everything okay, but they do what they can.

*The surgery is scheduled for Friday morning. We will be traveling to the DC area on Wednesday and Thursday. All prayers and support are greatly appreciated. I will be updating on her condition on twitter and either here on this blog, over on her blog or both. Thank you all so much for your love and support during this difficult time for our family.

Hair Cut Blues

I feel like I have been really down on the blog lately. Maybe I have just been sorta down all the time lately, I am not really sure. I fell okay. Not like I am the happiest I have ever been, but definitely okay. Who knows. Anyway, I noticed the blog had taken a turn for the Negative Nelly side, and wanted to fix that. I told myself that I would NOT write a depressing post for at least week. Seemed extremely doable. Then I took Henry for his second official hair cut.

I guess I need to first tell you how much I love Henry's hair. It adore it. I love it when it is wild and crazy in the mornings, I love washing it in the tub, I love it as it bounces as he runs and plays all over the house. I know a lot of people with boys go for the buzz cut as soon as possible so as to not have to mess with hair, but that just isn't me. I love my moppy headed baby.

His hair is still baby thin on top, but has started to thicken out on the bottom. I had noticed he was starting to take on a little "party in the back" look, so thought I needed to take him in to get it shaped up again. Just a little bang trim and shaping. I didn't want to change the look, just clean it up. I can't remember my exact wording but I know I used "Shaggy" "I like him moppy headed" "I don't really want it to look much different, just trim the bands and get rid of the mullet look, but KEEP IT SHAGGY".

Then she got out the scissors and started to cut. And after the very first cut my heart sank. I mentioned again that I really wanted to stay the same, just clean it up... but I knew it was too late. She assured me that was what she was going, but it was clear she didn't get it. She had no idea what I wanted and since I didn't bring a picture* she just went with what she THOUGHT I meant. At the very end she got out the clippers, just to clean up the bottom she said. And I wanted to stop her, but at that point it had to be done. She had cut his hair in a way that meant it needed it. I fought the tears there. My eyes swam with them, but I held them in. She told me not to cry, that it was adorable. And it was, it is. It's just not what I wanted. My sweet baby looks much less like a baby today than he did yesterday. And that just breaks my heart.

Here is a before picture:

Sharing his very first milk shake with his Papa

And an after picture of the back...

And I know it will grow back. I know that. It's just hair. I know I am over reacting. It's just... it was my babies hair. And I loved it so. Growing it back out is just different from cutting it off for the very first time. So I cried. A lot. More than needed. More than was rational. But it felt like just one more piece of his babyness was now gone. And I wasn't ready.

He, on the other hand, doesn't seem to mind in the slightest. (check out that eye color)

* I just tried to find a picture of what I want, and I couldn't. There is one on Facebook of a friends little boy, but I wouldn't want to post that. I know what I want, but if Google images can't come up with it, maybe it isn't exactly a common look. Oh well. We will start growing it back out today.

The Other Sun

This past weekend Nick and I were in the car running errands. It was late afternoon and the sun was on it's way down. Due to the direction we were driving it was just low enough to be right in my eyes. I tried to put the shade down, to move this way or that, but it was just constantly attempting to burn a hole in my retinas. Finally I say, "Dang, that is the brightest sun I have ever seen!" I then wait a second, realize how stupid that sounds, the add, "Haha, it's actually the ONLY sun I have ever seen". To which Nick and I both laugh. (Nick and I are nerds. This is funny to us. Don't feel any pressure to laugh too.)

Nick waits a second and then says, "Actually, you have seen two suns."

I think and I think. And I think some more. Nick has a way of laying things out there that are so obvious, and yet I can't seem to figure them out. But I always try. Hard. So after a minute I say, "Okay, I give up. Where is the second sun I have seen?"

Nick looks at me, shocked that I don't know, then looks quickly to the back seat where Henry (and Boo. Hi Boo!) are riding along. Then he says, " Our SON, Our Boy....THE LIGHT OF OUR LIVES!"

Oh, that son. Our Other Sun. I laugh and think it's sweet at the time. but over the last few days I have thought of that description over and over. "Our son, our boy, the light of our lives." Our other sun. Yep. That just about sums him up perfectly.

Frozen

I have been thinking so much about the six frozen embryos lately. I know how lucky we are. Not that it is unheard of to get a chance at two babies from one round of IVF, but it doesn't seem to be that common either. Now that I really think about it, I can't think of a single blog I read that has actually did have two separate pregnancies from one IVF. But I do read so many blogs where people have done 2-8 IVF's just for their first child, so I know how lucky we are to sit here with six ice-babies waiting to be possible siblings for our first miracle. And I am so excited to finally give these little embryo's their chance.

But lately I have started to worry about them. I guess since our road down IVF went so well, up until recently I have had a lot of faith that these embryos will lead to a sibling. That that is just what is meant to happen. I have honestly spent more time worrying about how many to put in, and what to do if we do get pregnant, but then still have several embryo's left over. Because as of now, Nick and I both feel that we want to be a family of four. And that is where my worry has gone. How many to put in and extra embryos. That seems to be changing these last few days and weeks.

Now I am worrying more and more about none of them taking. About none of them surviving the thaw. About having to thaw out all six just to get one or two to transfer. That this FET could be our only shot at a sibling. I guess in a way I had taken comfort in having so many. In the fact that I believe we would get two shots. That if this FET didn't work, we would have another. A back up plan. And then if it did, we had time to decided about any that are left. I guess I hadn't let myself worry until now about no having the extras. Or about the first one not working, and then the second one not working either. I haven't really let myself think about not having a second child. Until now.

Infertility is a bitch. The fact that the fear now gets to set in. That infertile fear of "what if this doesn't work?" Because I know this is it for us. These six embryos are Henry's possible siblings, but if none of them stay we will not go back in for a fresh cycle. The money isn't there, and in my heart I feel like if none of these six can stay to make us a family of four, then we are just meant to be a family of three. Still, that scares the crap out of me. And I am frozen. Along with my possible next child, I am frozen still in time until we know. How many thaw, how many have a chance, will one stay. Sixty days until we know the answer for this first cycle. Maybe the only cycle. But in sixty days we will have answers. It can't come fast enough.

ICLW and my Good Boy

Isn't it amazing how fast a month can fly by? It's time again for International Comment Leaving Week, which in the blog world just might be my favorite week each month. Okay, it TOTALLY is my favorite week each month. My blogging stamina is completely fueled by comments. Well... that my strong desire to over-share. But mostly it runs on comments. So this week is like a five hour energy drink to help me get through the rest of the month!

Anyway, welcome to all of you ICLW readers! I am Sarah. I like to blog. I have stage four endometriosis, and that sucks. I am married to Nick, who is rather awesome, if I do say so myself. We are both nerds. We watch too much TV and don't eat very healthy, but at least we found each other. You can read our entire TTC History here, but the short version is that after three medicated IUI's we moved on to IVF and with our first try had our sweet Henry*. He is now 20 months old (Good LORD, where does the time go. I almost have a TWO year old!) and we are gearing up for out FET to try for baby #2. Actually, I officially started my birth control pills for our transfer scheduled for March. Come next ICLW, I will officially be on the estrogen patches and this train really will be rolling. Yesterday I would have said it still felt far away, but it's only one month. And if ICLW has taught me anything, it's how fast a month can roll around!

* What? You wanna SEE sweet Henry? Oh okay. FINE.

Last night Henry got into his own bed and decided to spend some time reading quietly. I peaked in there, he smiled at me, and then got back to "Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?" It's riveting reading you know.

He is such a good boy.

Self Portriats

Thank you all for you sweet comments on my last post. They meant so much to me. Missy went to see her doctor and they basically said this is par for the course, that she is really okay and it isn't a sign of anything bad, that no damage was done from the seizures and that she just needs to start taking an anti-seizure medication. So... that is as good as we could hope for.

Now to move on to nicer things. I realized yesterday that I hadn't posted a picture of Henry in like. DAYS. Which just seems absurd. So I pulled out the trusty iphone and thought I would snap a few self portraits of the two of us. It went....well...maybe I should use a real camera from now on. And asks someone else to take our picture. Anyway, here are the results!

Henry says" MAMA! Why do you have to always cut MY head off ?"

"Mama, this is no time for Kisses, this is time for pictures!"

Mama says, "Oh this one is... wait... Henry, is your tongue out??"
Henry says, "Ahhh hahahaha!"

This one is a little more abstract. There is an arm in there somewhere... and a little boy who REALLY wants to get down and play!

So... I will get the real camera out soon and take some actual post-worthy pictures. For now you are all stuck with this mess.

PS. Another day, another try, the same result.

I never learn

Worried

I was going to post a picture today of Henry sharing his very first milk shake with his Papa. But I forgot to load it on flickr so that post is a bust. I thought about posting about the fact that I started birth control yesterday for the FET. Seems post worthy. But in reality that's the entire story. Started Birth Control. Took another one today. The End. I knew I wanted to blog today, but I was at a loss. Because there is really only one thing I want to talk about. It's not really my story and it doesn't have a wrapped up ending, but it's the only thing I am thinking about this morning, so I guess I will go with that.

My little sister had a seizure at work yesterday. She was just walking down the hall, arms full of charts, and she went down. Her coworkers heard her and came to check and found her blacked out on the ground. They were pretty sure it was a seizure. They took her right to the ER and gave her anti-seizure medication plus something for the nausea. A few minutes after the anti-nausea medication she went into another full blown seizure at the ER with my parents there. My parents and Missy were all very upset. It was extremely difficult for my parents to see and I assume even more difficult to have happen to you.

They think the second seizure was brought on by the anti-nausea medication. A known side effect. They gave her something different, let her rest, wrote her a prescription for anti-seizure medication, told her she can't drive for 90 days and sent her home. People at the ER seemed surprised she hadn't already had seizures. Apparently this is rather normal with brain surgery and all the things she has had going on. She may be on this medication for a long time. She may be on it forever. She sees her doctor today, but for now we just don't really know what triggered the start of seizures so far out after surgery and even cancer treatments, which wrapped up two weeks ago.

She is okay. Her face is very red and sore where she fell from the first seizure. She is very upset about the no driving thing. Taking away driving from an independent person is hard. We think the anti-seizure medication should work and she should be fine. But it was just hard. Hard to see yet another sign that there is something wrong with my little sister. That she is really this sick. I guess each day and week that passes lets us fall into a sense of "this is all okay". She finished her chemo and radiation two weeks ago and we thought the worst was behind us, but there we sat in the ER last night, trying once again to make sense of all of this. My little sister is sick, and I am so worried about her. She is always on my mind, but after last night she is the only thing on my mind. And the only thing worth writing about.

Guess What Today Is...

Oh, that's right. It's National Delurking Day! The day you, as blog readers, are contractually obligated to click on that little "post comment" link and write me one of those pesky comments telling me you are here. I know there are lots of you out there (good old Feedburner and Google Analytics tell me so!) and I am making it so easy for you. I allow anonymous comments so you don't need a google account and I don't force you do the captcha thing. Although I am about to break on that because spammers suck and they seem to LOVE my comments section. But for today I will leave it off, so that just makes it even EASIER to stop in and say you are here.

You all, I love comments. LOVE THEM. They make my heart happy. Don't you want to make my heart happy?

I was reading Temerity Jane and liked how she gave a questionnaire to her readers to give them topics to comment on. Now, don't feel any pressure to actually fill this out. All I really require is an "I'm here!". But if you want a comment with a little more substance... maybe some pizazz, you can use this to give you some ideas. Some questions are about you, so are about the blog. I will happy accept partial answers. No need to answer them all. Unless of course you want to. Then you will receive a gold star.

1. Do you remember how you found me? I would love to know!

2. Do I know you in real life? Don't be shy. I don't mind people reading who actually know me (or know OF me) from real life.

3. What is the best book you have ever read? (I need at least 21 more for 2011!)

4. Tell me something funny or interesting that has happened to you.

5. Is there something that you have done that would surprise people who know you in real life?

6. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

7. Where is he one place you want to see most in your lifetime?

8. Do you blog? Are you on twitter? How might I find you in the vast world of social media?

Okay, eight seems like a good number. Not as daunting as ten. And I am out of ideas. Feel free to pick and choose or to just leave a "Here!" but what is not an option is to not comment. Not today. Not on NATIONAL DELURKING DAY!

Hard Days

This post is all about the miserableness that is my period and our upcoming FET. If that doesn't sound interesting to you, I will not be even a little offended for you to leave the site now. I will be back soon with funny stories and enjoyable pictures soon.

The last few days have been rough on me. I started cramping and spotting on cycle day 21. I couldn't even begin to think of it as hopeful, as possible implantation bleeding. I knew it was just another sign that my body is a mess and that endometriosis is a real bitch. On CD23 I officially started. I at least hoped for a quick and easy period. I mean, how can it be bad on such a short cycle? Right.

It has been awful. Just awful. By far the worst period I have had in a few years. Since before Henry for sure. The cramps have brought me to tears several times. More times than I can count. I am emotional and just drained. It doesn't help that it just keeps going. It has been going on for ten days. TEN DAYS of miserable. I was grocery shopping yesterday and actually thought I might pass out. I wasn't sure if it was from an issue with my period (because not to be too graphic here, but I was bleeding a lot. Like a lot, a lot. Like I was mildly concerned for my health) or just because I was emotionally drained and my body was calling "Uncle" and requiring a reboot.

So last night Henry went to stay the night with my parents (where he apparently had a TON of fun listening to Big Band music with his Great Nana) and Nick and I went on a date night. We went out to dinner and to see Tron 3D and we had a wonderful time. It was exactly what I needed, and I am so thankful that Nick knew that. My period finally seems to be slowing down and I think it may be done in another day or two. Who knows for sure with this endo, but I am hopeful. Either way this will mark the end of our trying from home. I start back on birth control in a couple days in preparation for our FET in March. The ball is really rolling, and as terrified as I am about that, I am thrilled to be getting started. To put the thoughts and questions behind us and actually hit the green light on this cycle. So... here we go!

Cousins

Henry loves Cici so much. Oh my goodness, it warms my heart to see them together. They spend at least two days a week together while we are at work, and they see each other in the evenings several times a week. Henry just loves to look at her, to give her hugs and kisses, to offer her his toys to share. He loves it when she laughs and her face lights up when he comes near. As much as I want a sibling for Henry, I never fear he will be alone. I know he has his cousin, and you can already see that love is strong.

Resolutions

I know I am late to this party. I know I was suppose to have my resolutions in when the clock struck Midnight and we all rang in the new year last weekend. But I am not really a resolutions person, so I didn't start thinking about it until I started reading everyone else's resolutions. I am such a follower. But I love the idea of focusing and setting goals for the year ahead. Nothing crazy, nothing unattainable, but a few things I want to do with my 2011. So here we go.

1.) I want to find peace with the size of our family. I wanted to say have another baby, but I am trying to prepare myself for the fact that FET's may not work for us. And if it/they don't, we will be a family of three. Nick is completely at peace with this, but I am not. I don't know if once it is all said and done and the six embryo's have been given their chance if I will be, but for now I am not at a point of closure. I want to find that one way or another in 2011.

2.) I want to keep reading. I don't think I really read at all in 2009. Then something happened in 2010 and I discovered my love of books again. I don't want to set a crazy goal on a number of books to read (I have seen people setting a goal of 60-100) but I want to read at least 24. Two books a month. If I read more, awesome. If not, that just means I was busy enjoying life and a two year old. But reading is my "me" time and I want to make sure it is still there in 2011.

3.) I want Nick and I to have a weekend away. It can be with friends or it can be just us. It is our five year anniversary, so maybe that would be a good time. We don't have to go far, but I want to be someplace other than home. Money is tight and we have big things going on that might make it tighter, so this one may be hard, but I am putting it on the list because it is important to me.

4.) I want to make sure to make time for church. Since the birth of Cici and Missy's cancer I have pretty much stopped going to church. I have been a few times, but it seems like each week we are just so exhausted, the idea seems too daunting. But it is so good for my heart and soul to be there. The last time I went a few weeks ago I was reminded of why I need that spiritual time. I want to get it back.

5.) I want to wear a skirt or dress.... or anything besides jeans. I wear jeans to work, so that basically means I live in jeans all the time. And sometimes a girl need to feel pretty and get dressed up. I got some gift cards for Christmas, and I am going to use a little of that money to buy a cute skirt or dress that fits, and I am going to wear it.

So that's it. Five fairly doable things. I want to put "Find Financial Security" or "Find Happiness at Work" or "Lose Ten Pounds" but this is my first year of resolutions, and I am starting small. Wear a skirt, maybe to church or while on a little trip with Nick. Read a book, find peace. That sounds like a pretty great outline for 2011.

What are your resolutions?

End of the World Survival Guide

So one of my best friends is a bit of an alarmist. And if I am being honest, I will have to admit that I thoroughly enjoy pushing her buttons and talking worst case scenario with her. Of course, when we are done I go to bed and sleep like a baby and she goes home and stock piles food and water under her bed in case 99.9% of the worlds population dies from the bird flu and she is left to fend for herself... because OBVIOUSLY she is immune. (True story. She actually had food and water under her bed. But it was a secret. Didn't want the other 0.1% knowing she was a girl with a plan. Might make her a target.) She was pregnant during Katrina, and got completely convinced that the reason they weren't letting people out of the Super Dome was because... they had all turned to zombies. And they were trying to contain the disaster. And somehow got so worked up over it all that she knew she would end up giving birth on a bridge. Not sure about that jump, but it is where she ended up. Surrounded by zombies giving birth on an overpass.

Needless to say, I am a terrible friend. When something happens in the world that is a little unusual, I wait for that little "ding" of my google chat to pop up with a link and the following words. "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?!?" I quickly scan the article and inform her that her worst nightmares are coming true. It is OBVIOUSLY the END OF DAYS! We then enjoy a good two hours of discussing how the government is hiding the truth, how everyone will die, and what our escape plan will be. So.. I mean, of course when something happens like 2000 birds drop dead in the sky on New Years Eve and the government says it was lightning, our minds start racing. Then more birds die, and even more birds, then some fish, then MORE birds (this time over seas! It's WORLD WIDE!!) And my little friend is officially packing more food under the bed for the OBVIOUS alien attack that is right around the corner.

She emailed her brother if he is worried about these bird deaths and he wrote back that he isn't in the slightest. Not because they aren't suspicious, but because he is a man with a plan. He has taken the time to create an "End of the World Survival Guide", so he knows he is safe. He decides to share his plan with her, and then her with me. And this plan is so awesome I figured I should share it with you. Because you, my faithful readers, also should be prepared in case of it really is the END OF DAYS. So go ahead and print this out and hang it on your fridge. It can't hurt to be prepared.

End of the World Survival Guide

Aliens – Keep lots of water around and get camo suit. Keep cold in case of heat vision

Zombies – Aim for the head

Virus – Head to the wilderness

Nuclear War – Wear shades, grab gun, eat canned food and keep lots of gas on hand

Asteroid – Go to Mountain in middle of Rockies get snow clothes

Super Volcano – Head to coast, hijack ship to island in the middle of nowhere with seeds, vitamins and mushrooms

Ice Age – Head to equator live in Mayan Temple

Rapture – DO NOT GET 666 on forehead, go to church

Sun Explodes – Drink lots of alcohol and wait.

My favorite is "Rapture" because it is the only time in the list he feels the need to go all CAPS on you all. Like "Listen, this shit is IMPORTANT"!

Merry Christmas! (What??)

Okay, so it's January 5th. And I bet you all thought I was kidding when I said I was doing a Christmas video slide show the first week of January. Turns out I was serious. I love the one from last year and really wanted to make one with all the great pictures we took this year too! And obviously I must share it with you all. Because... I believe you care. Even on January 5th. So... two weeks late, here is our Christmas in all it's glory. Enjoy!

Christmas 2010 from Sarah on Vimeo.

Song: The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole

Going Postal

I think I mentioned on here that over our break Nick and I decided to sell some stuff on eBay. Nick got this game for Christmas (Sonic Colors, if you are curious) and he played it one night and didn't like it. But it was opened. But it was BRAND NEW. So we called the game store that buys used games and they said they would give us $13 for it, but... we paid $40 like TWO DAYS AGO. So, I get the bright idea to sell it on eBay. And it was genius. We got $34 for it, and when I listed it I also listed about ten other things we didn't really want/need and we made a total of $185. So....score! I took this stuff to the post office during one of my days off and it was so simple, so easy, just like FREE MONEY!

So I had the bug. I go home and start digging. Looking for any book, movie or video game we don't want any longer. Anything we can list and easily ship that would bring in some (needed) extra money. So I list another 25 or so items. Granted, they weren't as great as the first set and only about half of them sold, but still, we made another $150! I am pumped. PUMPED. I get it all packed up to ship out, but there is an issue. With me back at work, I have to go to the post office after I get off. And I have to go to one of the main post offices, not one of the little branches that are only open until five. "No big deal! How different can it be?" I think. Right.

So last night I go to the post office. And the line. The line is literally out the door. There isn't really an option so I get in it. At 5:45pm. I wait. I wait and I wait and I wait. Finally I get to the place where you can fill out forms. I look for an international shipping form, but the green one my post office gives me doesn't seem to be there. "Oh well" I think. Surely they will let me fill it out while they put postage on my other ten items. That's what they do at my lovely little office down the street!

Then it's finally my turn. I step up and ask for the international form. The woman's eyes fill with fury. FURY. She says, "You should ALREADY have that filled OUT!" And I sorta laugh (mistake) and say, "well... there wasn't one over there. But it will just take a second! No worries! (mistake) I can do it while you put the postage on the others." *smile*

She says, "There aren't any out there? That's FUNNY. I stocked it!" She then yells to the crowd " ARE THERE ANY FORMS OUT THERE?!? ARE THERE??" And I freeze. My smile fades. I am sorta scared of this lady. The line is silent, everyone looking away from me, so glad that it isn't them that put her over the edge. She then yells to the crowd, "This will go a lot FASTER if you have your FORMS ready when you GET UP HERE!" Which... okay lady, I get it.

I point out that the green one is not there, she tells me it's expired. "They are WHITE now. Where are you getting GREEN forms?!?!" You all, she is irrationally mad about my possession of green forms. I mention the small office near my house and she gets even more worked up. She then makes me get OUT of line and fill out my form while she waits on other people, which I get because I wouldn't want to hold up the line, but I had TEN packages and I could have done it while she did the others!

I get back in line, and as luck would have it I get her again. I think nothing else can go wrong, but then she gets to a package that I had already paid postage on several days ago, but not shipped. She scribbles it out and charges me again. I am like, "Hold up. I PAID for that!" That's when she gets really mad. REALLY mad. She starts telling me I can't do that! That it's against federal law! "WHO GAVE THIS PACKAGE TO YOU LIKE THIS! With POSTAGE on it?!?" I stammer something about the small office again, not really wanting to tell on them, but CLEARLY it came form a post office. And she says, "What's the tellers NAME?!?" I say, "I haven't the foggiest idea" She looked really really pissed, and then all of a sudden, got really nice. Which... at this point was just alarming. She makes this detailed note about calling the smaller branch. That she is REPORTING their RULE BREAKING. But then gets sweet and the very end and says she knows it isn't my fault. I have clearly been mislead but this other office. She WILL be reporting them, but for me to have a nice night! And then she smiled goodbye. And I smiled back. Because it's best to smile at a crazy person so they think their secret is still safe.

I wanted to tell her how much I love the guy at the other branch. How nice he is and how he never yells at me. But I didn't. I thought it best to leave. At 7:08pm I got back in my car. So very very done with the post office and all eBay sales. Maybe if I didn't have a job, then I would be willing to deal with postal workers, but only at my little branch. If they will have me back after I got them into trouble.

Back to Real Life

Sixteen days. That's how long I have been off work. SIXTEEN DAYS. Do you know how awesome that is? You know how some people get really bored with time off? You hear them say they can't wait to get back to work, to send those rowdy kids back to daycare, to get back to their normal routine? I am not one of those people. I mean, sure, these were the holidays, so of course we were busy. And Nick was off for the entire 16 days stretch as well, so I wasn't all on my own. But still. STILL. All I could think the entire two weeks was, "Man. I wish I was a stay at home mom." We played and laughed and slept in and ate great food and went shopping and spent tons of time with family. We got a million little things done at the house and had an all around amazing two weeks.

Except for this awful stomach virus I came down with at 3am on New Years Day (definitely not alcohol related. One Martini and one glass of wine does NOT do this to a person). It was like a nice little kick in the butt from 2010 saying, "OH... here's ONE last thing to make you hate this year!" I prefer to think of it that way rather than a greeting from 2011. Because... well... if that's how 2011 starts I should just stay in bed the rest of the year. It was awful. AWFUL. And I am all tempted to tell you HOW awful, but really? Who wants to read that? Like "And then I was sure I COULD NOT puke anymore, but you know what happened?? I PUKED!" So anyway, it was sorta like that on New Years Day, but the rest of the sixteen days, Awesome. Awesome to the Max*.

*Anybody know what "Awesome. Awesome to the Max"' is from? You will receive honor and glory from Bio Girl if you can place that quote (If you use Google you are cheating, and we don't reward Cheaters at Bio Girl with honor and glory).