Elastic Girl

I had Physical Therapy today for my back, and as we were talking they asked if I had any night sweats. An odd question, but due to my lupron, which makes it hard to regulate my body temperature, I do have a tendency to sweat. (gross, I know). So, I mention to them that this isn't normally a problem, but due to some fertility medications that I am on, I am currently having issues with that. But clearly, I don't think it's tied to my back problems.

They gave each other a knowing look and say, "Oooohhhhh... you are on fertility medications? When did you start taking those?" And I was like, "Well the one that causes the temperature problems just started a week ago, but I have been on hormones for the past couple of months..." I don't think it's a big deal, but they seem excited to have solved this puzzle. The girl seemed giddy when she told me "Oh, that is where this is all coming from!"

Excuse me? So the fact that I am infertile is now ALSO the cause of this awful back pain? Yes, yes it is. Pregnancy hormones makes you all extra elasticy, which... you know, makes since. Seeing as how you do a lot of stretching out over those nine months. But when you do fertility treatments they hit your body with a ton of synthetic hormones all at once. So in one fail swoop you get all super stretchy. And that can cause your bones to just slip right our of alignment due to the more elastic cartilage holding everything together in a much more haphazard fashion (lazy worthless cartilage).

I also found out that the slipped vertebrae in my back has also had the fun effect of leading to my ribs slipping over top of each other in the front. Something about them attempting to over compensate for the back issue or what have you. So my back flipped out when the vertebrae slipped, the muscles tightened up around them as if to say "PLEASE GOD DON'T MOVE THEM AGAIN!" and the ribs were like, "Yo, We GOT THIS! We can handle ALL the moving!" And you know what? The rib's totally couldn't handle it. Not at all. So last night along with my back hurting, I had this terrible pain wrapping around my ribs. You can actually see a bulge between the two ribs where I am all swollen as my body protests it's new uber elastic status.

If someone told me I was going to become super elastic girl I would have pictured it to be way cooler. Something more along the lines of this...

Instead I just need a lot of ice. Not nearly as cool. And much more painful.