Beginning of the End

Thank you all so much for your outpouring of support on my post about finding peace with the size of our family. As I wrote it, I worried you all would read it and feel like I was giving up on this FET before it even started. That you would think I was losing faith in the possibility of having another child. I should have known better. Your comments have been so uplifting for me this past week. The understanding, the support, and the constant cheering on of this cycle just means so much. So thank you all.

Tomorrow truly starts the beginning of the end of our infertility journey. It will be the hypothetical day one of this last cycle and the start of the hormone patches. We are a little over two weeks from transfer, and I cannot believe how different I feel right now from this time last cycle. The peace that I feel knowing that we have done everything we can is comforting. But still, oh my, how the hope is here with me. Every time I see a baby out in public, especially one that has a big brother in tow, how my heart is filled with this hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, we can bring home another baby. Names are creeping into my mind again, the question of boy or girl, the idea of both embryos surviving and possibly leading to twins. Just thoughts. Hopes. Dreams. All swirling around in my head and my heart as I prepare to put on my first patch in the morning.

So here we go. Our final cycle. Our Last Chance FET. Will it lead us to a baby? The green flag is waving. Four weeks from tomorrow we will pass the finish line with be our beta. Will we be settling in for nine months of planning and excitement or will we be packing up our baby gear alone with the pieces of our hearts. I hope this peace I have found stays with me. But what I really hope is that I don't need that peace to calm my breaking heart a month from now. I hope that we just get to be happy.