24 hours

Just 24 more hours. There isn't really a lot more to say. It's strange to think that this is the last time. The last two week wait, the last time I will think I could be pregnant. Tomorrow I either will be or I wont be. And I have no illusions of ever having a surprise pregnancy any time after this. That just isn't in the cards for us. Our doctors made that clear. I don't even ovulate on my own, and I require birth control at all times to keep my endo livable. This really is it.

Part of me wants to think that it has to be positive, that I must be pregnant because...THIS IS IT. THE LAST CHANCE FET. But I know better. There is no way to prove that you deserve this. That just because we throw down the gauntlet and say we are done, doesn't mean that in the end magic happens and you get what you want. Infertility isn't like a Romantic Comedy where everyone gets to be happy at the end of the show. I have seen it go the other way for too many people. Negatives, chemical pregnancies, ectopics. Lots of peoples Last Chance cycles goes wrong. But sometimes it does goes right.

So here we go. Twenty four hours to beta. Tomorrow around one we will know. For better or for worse. If I am being totally honest, I feel it. I feel like I am pregnant. Not 100%, but for the last few days I have been leaning that way. I have no real reason, I just feel like it has worked. And that scares me to death. It scares me so much that I have chosen to not even mention it. I shy away from talking about this cycle at all with my family and friends. I just say, "we will know soon...". Because if it comes back negative, especially now that I believe it, it will be that much farther to fall. But if it comes back positive, what a great day tomorrow will get to be.

Just a little over 24 hours and we know. For better or worse.