I am feeling better. No really, I am. Not 100%, but better. I was a mess most of yesterday and when I came home from work I had a rather impressive melt down, but then Nick and I talked and he gently reminded me how lucky we are. And you all... we are.
It is amazing that we have him. Stage four endometriosis is BRUTAL to fertility. We are so blessed. We are so much luckier than so many. And even though I am sad, I do know that we are lucky. I hoped we would be luckier, but I know that I can be happy with being THIS lucky.
There is another thing I know. No matter what, Henry wont really be alone. That he may not ever get to be a big brother, but he is going to be the best big cousin that there has ever been.
It is amazing that we have him. Stage four endometriosis is BRUTAL to fertility. We are so blessed. We are so much luckier than so many. And even though I am sad, I do know that we are lucky. I hoped we would be luckier, but I know that I can be happy with being THIS lucky.
There is another thing I know. No matter what, Henry wont really be alone. That he may not ever get to be a big brother, but he is going to be the best big cousin that there has ever been.
And that gives me some peace. They will grow up together. As close as two cousins can be. And it will be great.
I've found that I've had really good days and then really bad days. On a good day, I feel super blessed and lucky - like wow, we were so lucky to have O in the face of those odds, you know? On a bad day I feel like a complete failure.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what? You're not alone.
xoxo
i've been praying for you - can you feel it? :)
ReplyDeletebig hugs to you, Sarah!
What an adorable photo and video!
ReplyDeleteI'm still thinking of you, Sarah. I know this isn't easy, but I also know that you can get through this.
Big (((hugs))).
Your news this week has reminded me how lucky I am. I've been bitter and pissed off for a few weeks as people I know/am related to keep getting "accidentally" pregnant and I find myself in a very ugly place about that. But yesterday, you reminded me how lucky I am. So, thank you for that. It's easy for me to just be bitter, I have been for so long, but I'll be grateful, at least for today, for the blessings I have done nothing to deserve. :)
ReplyDeleteI just got your "news" today. I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteHey sweetie,
ReplyDeletePraying for peace for you..love you loys! Let time work to heal you and in the meantime be blessed by Henry because he is wonderful gift:-)
Rhi
Cousins kick ass. I loved mine but
ReplyDeleteThe beat part was unlike a sister when I got really mad at my cousin or really tired of her I COULD JUST SEND HER ASS HOME and be the ruler of my kingdom again.
When I told Chris the test results he said, "Man, that sucks." Ten second pause. "But that Henry, he's a good one."
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more...
Love you three!!!!
I am so glad to hear you are doing so much better today. I am surprised you bounced back so quickly. After my little melt down this week (which happened for no reason), it took me a couple of days to pull it back together. But we really are lucky to have beat the odds in the first place. That's the way I always look at it too. It also serves as a great reminder to really enjoy every moment we have with our little tots.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Glad you are feeling better. Thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteI've been there. I cried for you. Henry's cousin is beautiful ... and how could he be alone with such a wonderful family. Bless you guys.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are feeling better, but so sorry you have to have this experience. I know it's hard, but keep trying to look on the bright side. We are all luckier than we think we are; sometimes it's just a lot harder than others to remember that.
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my prayers.
ICLW
It's very important to have a cool cousin.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to read about your negative test.
(From ICLW)
#1-Love you. #2-Can we talk about the jumping on the bed? It seems like someone might need to teach that little Henry fella how to actually jump and to teach CiCi how to hold one like a good little cousin. That's how we learned it back in my day. Just saying. #3 I'm pretty sure we need to start spending more time together. Be preparing for me to really start bugging the crap out of you. :)
ReplyDelete