Yesterday, after posting about the pain I have been feeling when seeing pregnant mothers, I got an email from a reader named Rebecca. She has a daughter Henry's age, and she told me that she has had recurring miscarriages over the last year. While searching the Internet for infertility and loss blogs she came across mine and started reading. Not commenting, but silently following along with our family and our journey to have another baby. Just like lots of you all out there. She told me my feelings were perfectly normal. That she has had them too, and she discussed what helped her to get past them. It was a wonderful email, helpful and sweet.
Oh, and there was one other thing. She lives in my town. And she was at our local pool on Wednesday. And she saw me and Henry. And she is pregnant with her second child.
Right. So... basically she was most likely one of the pregnant bellies I was looking at with jealous eyes on Wednesday. She was one of the women I thought "Why her and not me" about. I cannot begin to imagine having recurring miscarriages. I follow along with several blogs that have lost babies and my heart breaks every time they experience a loss. The fact that Rebecca is now pregnant with her second child, and it is going well enough to be showing...it's amazing. It's a gift. And I am so very happy for her. And I hate that I may (did) look at her with jealous eyes.
You never know a persons story. Everyone has their struggles. Even if they aren't fertility struggles, we all have our stuff. I know my feelings of jealousy are normal. I know that it's okay to let myself feel how I feel. All of your comments of support and understanding mean so much to me. But Rebecca, thank you for telling me you were there. Thank you for reminding me that just because someone seems to have what I want on the outside, it doesn't mean that I would want to trade luck. It doesn't mean that I can even begin to imagine walking in their shoes. I hope that when those feelings of jealousy return, I can remember Rebecca. Or maybe even that I can just remember that we all have stuff. We all have our paths in life, and that this is mine. And mine is pretty damn good.
**Also, just as a side note, it amazes me that I could be recognized from my blog by people in town. Like, it blows my mind. But this is actually the second time it has happened. If you ever see me out and about, please don't be afraid to come say hi! I love to meet people who read our story.**
What a wonderful email. And amazing.
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ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing email, Rebecca. How awesome.
ReplyDeleteAnd she's right, you know. I hope you don't feel guilty about your feelings. The one thing I've learned from my therapist is that regretting an emotion is wasted emotional energy. You feel something, and that's okay.
I was actually recognized twice at my clinic too. Was sort of freaky, but in a cool way. :)
xoxo
what an excellent post. You are right.. we all have our paths and journeys... and have no idea what others experience ..
ReplyDeletethanks for the comment on my blog.
Thanks for posting this.....it's something good I need to keep in mind as well.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. I struggle with jealousy probably more than anything else...it's hard because I know I have a lot of good things in my life, but I am so incredibly jealous of those who are able to have children at all, and especially those who are able to have children easily/without any intervention. I know all those people have hard stuff too, but some days it's so hard...I feel like I've been burdened with more than my fair share...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, thanks for writing this and letting me know I'm not the only one who feels jealous, and reminding me that everyone has their story and crosses to bear...
How amazing that one of the ladies you saw at the pool actually follows your blog and recognised you! Isn't that slightly mind-blowing?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you made this connection with each other and the email helped you find another level to what you are experiencing.
It can be so hard to step out of our own grief sometimes to see the other side, and rightly so because we need to feel the grief fully to heal from it! But you are doing so well in seeing that "other side" and I hope it helps you find the peace you're looking for in some way.
And THANK YOU for taking the time to read and comment on my latest blog post. I was so worried about posting it at this point in time as I knew the chances were you would see it and I didn't want to add to your pain by discussing pregnancy in that way. It meant more than I can say that you felt you could share your own thoughts on it xx
<3
ReplyDeleteThis post was so relevant to me... I have experienced more than my share of pregnancy losses, but even sitting here at 17 weeks pregnant, I can look at other pregnant ladies and be extremely jealous. I think "bet they did not have to travel halfway across the world for IVF" or "they don't seem to have been through so much loss" or "how can they be so happy and carefree when I am so afraid to even sneeze for fear of losing my pregnancy again". It is hard to remember that I do not know their past or their sorrows. Thanks for sharing!
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