The last two months I was lulled into a false sense of security. My endo has not been bad. I have actually not talked about it because I didn't want to jinx anything, but it has been extremely liveable. And it was awesome! I was having thoughts that maybe I was cured, maybe being off birth control was the unlikely magical answer!
And then this morning happened. And I remembered very quickly how much I hate endometriosis. I actually started a few days ago, about 10 days before I expected to, which is always fun. But it was so odd to be totally taken off guard by my period. My endo has made that impossible for years. So, although no thrilled to start so early, it was nice to almost feel like a normal person. I told Nick last night that I felt great! Totally normal! IT'S AMAZING!
This morning I woke up in so much pain I couldn't stand. I could. not. stand. I literally walked hunched over to the bathroom to take pain medicine and to pray that it eased up before work started. I thought about calling in, but how do I do that? How can I miss work for something that will be happening every few weeks? I decided to take a hot shower and give the medicine time to work. And it has. Not all the way. I am still extremely uncomfortable, but I can stand up. And that is important.
I hate this. But there isn't much else to do about it now. I will see how the next few months go, and then will have to make some decisions. If it stays this bad, or gets worse (like it always seems to do) there will have to be discussions with my doctor. Maybe another lap, I don't know. For now I am just sad to know that I am not cured. That it wasn't magic, it was just biding it's time. Damn endo.
I feel you. SO BAD. Unfortunately my pain has always been weirdly patterned in how LITTLE of a pattern it follows. It's almost like my body sits down ever month and decides the best days for me to be in pain that DON"T match the month before. HATE IT.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Know that I feel you. Unfortunately.
Sorry Sarah, unless you have had endo no one understands this pain, it is so miserable. I endured it for years. I had several laps and they helped for awhile but it always came back. I wish you could be cured.
ReplyDeleteI think about the menstrual cramps I used to have and magnify them a thousand times and even then I can't imagine how painful this must be. Oh, honey.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm SO sorry!
ReplyDeleteBefore my diagnosis the doctors tried birth control then nothing then a different birth control, then nothing again, over and over again. It never worked, until one time when at uni I had TWO WHOLE MONTHS when I didn't even know I had my period (well, it was heavy, but I had no nausea, no pain etc) and I thought that was it, I was "cured"... no such luck. It got gradually worse and by the end of that year I was in so much pain that I would dream I was in pain, wake up and realise I was in pain, and be unable to do anything but crawl to the bathroom and painkillers didn't even touch it. I'd have 8 hours solid pain, then it would blessedly ease off and I'd get sleep overnight and then it would start all over again the next day. That was when I got the nerve to sit in my doctor's office and demand to have a referral to a gynaecologist and when I finally got my diagnosis. I've never been that bad since, and I never want to, but know it is likely especially as after I've had baby I want to try and stay off birth control for as long as possible just to see how things go (am I mad?!)
So I totally get you're whole hope that it was behind you and then the shock and despair at it being back with a vengeance. I don't know how we drag ourselves to work like that, sometimes I wonder how we even manage to put a coherent sentence together. Take it as easy on yourself as possible. And let us know how things go. I am thinking of you and wishing so much you didn't have this after having such a hard year... Endo really does suck!! xx
Yucky! When Hubbs and I went through infertility, our docs never attempted to diagnose the problem other than the normal HSG and sperm motility, count, etc. So sorry you have to go through this. Being a female just isn't easy. Hang in there.
ReplyDeletei have a gynae story for my blog tomorrow but amazingly my endo seems to be under control since last year (I wear a contraceptive patch)
ReplyDeletePS otherwise I'd also be like that crouching over not being able to stand and walk. terrible! hated it.
ReplyDeleteAhhh sorry you felt so bad, I have no suggestions so i'm sending you a big hug. Fran
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you are in so much pain. I hope the medicine they gave you helps out.
ReplyDeleteAlso, did Henry continue to qualify for speech? I saw your post a few weeks back and loved it! I love hearing how much he is talking, it really sounds like he exploded!! So glad your suspicions about your little boy being a genius have been confirmed : )
Im so sorry my friend..wishing you well with the new medicine.
ReplyDeleteLets get the boys together to talk our ears off!
So sorry, I think the worst part is that the unbearable pain just adds insult to injury because you know you are for sure not pregnant plus you get to be miserable. DOUBLE YAY! I'm just beginning to deal with the fact that I may be part of the endo club. A friend keeps telling me that "God can make overnight miracles happen" and that He can heal me even if doctors can't. I'll be praying for a miracle for both of us :)
ReplyDeleteI completely feel you....it's horrific. My husband never realized how bad it is until I hunched over and came up with tears in my eyes once. I'm sorry the magical disappearance of endo didn't happen. :-(
ReplyDeleteDid you ever have those blissful days where you thought that certain things would cure your endo, such as having a baby or removing the endo? I miss those days. I remember when I first learned that you don't get over endo. That you can't make it go away permanently. That it will always come back. I remember wanting to punch the face of every person who over my lifetime had said endo was cureable. I wanted to tell them that it wasn't, and that babies don't make it go away, and that it grows back on surgery scars. I wanted to tell them that in fact, previously if you were diagnosed with Endo and didn't have insurance coverage or let your insurance lapse, you were no longer insurable because of it. Endo is a lifetime illness. I feel bad for any girl who has it and thinks it can be cured because it means she doesn't know the bad news yet.
ReplyDeleteEndo sucks, and it never goes away.
I feel your pain in more ways than one.