Leap Day

So it's leap year day.  And it feels like that should mean something, and yet... I've got nothing.  Did you know that since leap year was in the year 2000 (In the Year 2000!)  that the leap years are now always on the years that are factors of 4.  Now if you ever wander when the next leap year is, you just have to recite your multiplication tables and you will be set.
 
You will forever remember me and my blog for providing you this little tip.  I knew if I talked long enough, I would find a way to work myself into your long term memory!

In other news, I had a feeling that the smiling for the camera phase might have been short lived.  Now that he has come to realize the joy of seeing yourself on the screen, he has found a much more enjoyable face to make...and then laugh about.

"Henry Singing!"

"Mama, Mama, TAKE MY PICTURE!"

"Henry funny"

If his father in any indication, I think pictures like this will be common for the next 30 years.

*Surgery is scheduled for next Thursday to remove my cyst and any endometriosis they find.  Hopefully it will go smoothly and will help to control all of this pain.

*We have a lot of things going on around here over the next few weeks, family stuff, surgery, Missy is moving, my work is crazy busy.  I may be posting less, and those posts might be really short, or only contain a few pictures.  Don't worry if I am gone.  I am okay.   I am just focusing on things away from the computer. 
 

Explaining the Pain

Well I broke down and went to the doctor on Friday.  I knew I couldn't see my actual doctor, but I could get an appointment with the Nurse Practitioner, and after talking (crying...again) with the nurse on the phone I decided that was what I needed to do.  I was just still in so much pain, and I couldn't wait ten days to see why.

Turns out I have a 6.5cm cyst on one of my ovaries.  Actually, as the tech panned the ultrasound over she was like "Oh.  Yes. This explains it."  She then pointed at this tiny little sliver of tissue around the cyst and said "do you see that? That is the only bit of healthy ovarian tissue I can see. The rest is completely covered."  She noted in the report that the cyst could be a classic cyst, or it could be a mass of endometriosis.  Awesome.

The other ovary, not wanting to be left out, was not where it is suppose to be.  Apparently the endo moved in and decided it was all for rearranging the furniture.  So... those two things explain the pain.  That and the fact that there is most likely a lot of endo in there they can't see on the ultrasound.  Looks like I am heading directly for the OR, no passing go, no $200.  Or at least, no $200 for me. I am sure this surgery will put more than $200 in several people's pockets.

Since my doctor was out of town I have to wait for a call from someone today or tomorrow to find out what he thinks.  The Nurse Practitioner said they would basically just be calling to tell me my surgery date.  She said not to worry, they should be able to get me in before my next cycle.  Please god let that be true.  I really don't thing I can make it through a repeat of last month. My eyes fill with tears every time I even think about it.  It's not right to be terrified of your period.

Just in case you are still wanting to vote. We are in 17th.  Yes, this thing lasts forever.  I totally agree. 

A New Morning Routine

So, I have big news.  News that, now that I come to think about it, is just insane that I haven't mentioned yet. Are you ready for it....

NICK GOT A JOB.

What?  Are you not jumping up and down in your seats and heaving a deep sigh of relief?  Just me?  Well... right.  That seems logical.  You all eating isn't dependent on Nick working, but ME eating is.  And... well... I like food.  And a roof.  So YAY FOR THE BIO GIRL FAMILY AND THEIR ABILITY TO EAT AND NOT SLEEP IN THE RAIN!

Where is Nick going to be working, you are asking me? Well turns out he is staying right here at the University! In the 11th hour they came through and decided to create a new position for him rather than lose him.  I cannot tell you how rare this is around here.  Like, nobody has ever really heard of it happening.  It says a lot about Nick and his work ethic, that they were not willing to lose him.  We feel extremely blessed and incredibly thankful.

And maybe a little bit stressed.  The new job has lots of new responsibilities, which he is focusing on.  The new job starts much earlier in the morning which I am focusing on.  Because it has the ability to effect ME, and reasons such as that have a tendency to draw my attention. Actually most mornings the new start time will only really effect the babysitters.  Right now they arrive at the house between 8:30 and 9.  Down right leisurely, except when you think of the fact that two of them have an hour drive to get to our house.  The new arrival time will be 7:30.  So.... ouch for them.  (sorry grandma's!  But at least we can still eat and wont be moving in to your basements!)  But there will be a few days a week where Henry will have to be driven to Boo's house to be with my mom and the girls.  And for all of Henry's life, if he had to be driven somewhere in the morning, Nick has done it.  Always.  This is about to change.

Since Nick and I will now have to leave the house at the same time on a normal day, it was really a coin toss on who would drive him.  Since I haven't had the privilege for the last two and a half years, I bravely said I would take the new responsibility.  Noble, right?  The main problem is that Henry never wakes up early.  Never.  Like his normal rise and shine time is after 9am.  (I know).  And on these mornings he is going to have to be in the car by 6:50.  SIX FIFTY.  That is down right the middle of the night to our sweet boy!  So yesterday I decided I was going to do a trial run.  I get the car warmed up, I have all our bags in and the doors open so the transition can be as smooth as possible. I have been dreading this.  Knowing it will be awful. That he will cry the entire time.  That it will take forever, that it will really put a wrench in my entire day.

I scoop him up, praying he will stay asleep.  Still in his PJ's, still in his diaper. We are going with the 'grab and go child relocation method' here.   He puts his head on my shoulder, but as soon we are outside he knows something is amiss.

"Mama?? What doing??"

'We are going to be with Nanny, baby.  You can go back to sleep"

A few seconds pass as we pull out onto our street.

"Mama, FORGOT CLOTHES!" (since he was in his PJ's, and never in his life has he left the house in his PJ's)

"No baby, Mama packed them.  Nanny will get you dressed later.  You can go back to sleep."

A few seconds pass.  I look back and he has his blanket pulled up to his chin. His legs streched and his arms behind his head.  He says, "Too Loud.  Music mama, need music."

We get to Nanny and he lays his head on my shoulder.  "Mama go to work.  Henry stay with Nanny.  Love you Mama."

Turns out this thing I have been dreading was absolutely the highlight of my day.  A few stolen minutes with my sweet boy.  I will look forward to our mornings from now on.  Those lucky days I get to spend time with my boy before work. What a perfect start to a day.

The Rules of Inheritance: A BlogHer Book Club Review

This post is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club.  Just like always, my opinions are my own. My opinions are not for sale! (picture me on a high horse)


I absolutely adored Rules of Inheritance by Claire Bidwell Smith.  ADORED IT.  It is a memoir of her life as an only child, living through both of her parents being diagnosed with cancer within of few weeks of each other in her early teens.  Her mother loses her battle during Claire’s freshman year of college and her father loses his when she is in her early 20’s.  The story is written on a non-linear timeline, so you never know what part of her life she will jump to next.  It goes back and forth between childhood, college, each parents illnesses and death, her life after their deaths, and how she became the woman she is today.  The jumping around sounds as if it would be hard to follow, but it actually allowed the flow of her story to make much more since.  Starting at the begging, jumping to the end, then setting the pieces of her life in a line where they are more understandable.  It much have been incredibly difficult to piece together in this way, but it created a beautiful story of her life. 

The story of how she becomes the woman she is today is captivating and beautifully written.  I found myself relating to her, even though we have very little in common.  I thought so often of Henry when she spoke of being an only child.   As she wrote of her father and his experiences in World War II, I thought constantly of my grandfather who passed away nearly six years ago.  I cried through that entire section of the book.  As she writes about finding herself in college after the death of her mother, I found myself comparing her journey to my own.  So different, and yet constantly relatable.

 She writes of her life and her loves, and she does so in a way that makes you feel like you understand her.  That you truly know her, or at least that leaves you wanting to know her better.  As soon as I was done reading I went to Claire Smith’s blog. I wanted to see her parents, see her life.  There was something about this memoir that made me want to keep reading.  And that is the mark of a wonderful book.  Since this is a memoir and Claire is a blogger, I will get to do just that.  I can pick up from now and follow along with her story. 

 I highly recommend Rules of Inheritance.  We will be discussing it over the next several weeks with the BlogHerBook Club.  Please come join in the conversation!

And just in case you are interested... (currently #14)

Shifting the Mood

So I am thinking we need some serious mood shifting around these parts.  Am I right?  I mean, my last two posts.... sort of downers.  So I am thinking this might make everyone feel just a little better...
Am I right? I mean, doesn't he just melt your heart? Or is that just his Mama's heart... either way, I think we can all agree that this makes us feel better than my crying on the phone to a poor receptionist. And what about this one??

I cannot tell you how pleased I am that he seems to finally be willing to smile for the camera when I say "CHEESE!". I mean... he does at least 5% of the time. With the number of pictures I take 5% isn't too shabby.

Or how about we lift the mood by showing you a sweet picture of me and Nick from ten years ago?  Yes, this is a picture of a (blurry) picture, and yet I love it!  We are so  young... so innocent... so SKINNY!  I actually mentioned on Facebook and Twitter last night that I remember thinking I looked fat in that tank top.  Isn't that just disgusting?  (If you are curious how that is possible, I was insanely skinny in high school and this was after I had put on about 25 VERY NEEDED pounds.  I had usually worn clothes that were too big for me to hide my tiny size and so this fitted tank felt like it was showing off my "belly".  I know.  Idiot.)

Anyway, this skinny nature of myself in this picture reminds me that I can tell you about how well I am doing on my diet with My Fitness Pal!  It has been three weeks and I have lost 7.1 pounds!  That means I am at an even 10 pounds since January 1st.  You all, I am so thrilled with this.  My clothes are loose, I am even thinking of trying on my pre-pregnancy jeans soon.  Yes, they are four years old.  I am hoping styles haven't changed that much... Anyway, I have another 5-10 pounds to go, but I am currently smaller than I was when I walked in to my first OB appointment.  That is just thrilling.

So, mood lifted, right?  Thank you for your sweet comments yesterday.  They made me feel much better.  It has just been a rough few days.

Here is that trusty link to vote again.  We are currently in 12th. A this rate, I dont know if we have a chance at staying in the top 25, but that's REALLY okay.  This is WAY more intense voting than last year, and just yesterday I admitted to not thinking I should be on the list.  It's an honor to be recognized and all that jazz. But if you want to vote, it does give me joy to see my vote count climb.

Not Exactly Inspirational...

I am not sure how I feel about this "Most Inspirational Family" thing.  Not because I don't think it's an amazing list, but really, because I am not sure I should be on it.  Is that sort of awful to admit when I am asking you all to vote? I look at the other blogs on the list this year, and man are they inspirational.  Fathers suddenly dying leaving the mother pregnant  to raise their family on their own, mother and daughter both fighting cancer, raising a preemie who was born at 28 weeks.  Inspirational.  And as for us.... well?  We feel awfully normal in comparison. 

Yesterday I called my doctor to make an appointment to talk surgery.  The receptionist told me he was out of town this week and completely booked next week.  He could see me March 5th.  And I burst into tears.  You all.  I BURST INTO TEARS. Not with the doctor or the nurse, but with the poor receptionist.  Not like shaky voice on the phone, like open sobs as the receptionist said "Oh no.... please don't cry....".

It was exceptionally awkward.  She had a nurse call me back, mainly because she had no idea what to say.  And I cried on the phone with the nurse and told her "I am fine.  REALLY.  FINE.  I am just an emotional crier."  There wasn't much to say.  They would see me in two weeks.  They are sorry.

I called Nick to tell him and I broke down on the phone.  "They...can't....see me... until March...5th..."  He says "Well that seems rediculo....wait. That isn't really that far away, right?"

Me. "Right..."

Him "So..."


Me "I don't know WHY I AM CRYING LIKE THIS!"

A few hours later I had it under control, but not before crying several times in the lab and having to have awkward conversations of "I am really okay... just emotional this morning...".  By lunch I felt like myself, but at 4:30 I was having terrible hot flashes, which... What the fuck is this about??  I ignore them and go to class.  One more thing to mention at my appointment that feels a world away.

I am better today.  I feel like myself.  And that is a much better place to be.  But still, do I feel even an ounce of inspirational?  No, not really.  But here is the link, since I have spent the entire post talking about it.  Vote if you want. We are currently in 10th.  And check out some of the other blogs if you have time. They have hold some amazing stories.
 

The Endo Issue

The last week has been a real struggle with my endometriosis. Like to the point that it was the worst few days I have had since before Henry was born.  There was a time on Saturday that I seriously considered asking Nick to take me to the emergency room, but why?  I know what I have.  I know there is really nothing to be done.  It wasn't a emergency, it was just excruciatingly painful.  I think possibly I had a cyst that burst on my right side, but there isn't any way to know for sure.  I do know the amount of bleeding was sorta alarming.  And that even on pain medication I had a hard time walking from one side of my house to the other.  All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep.  Which... I am sure you can imagine, isn't that easy with a two year old who wants to play with his Mama on the weekend.

I always struggle with the line of when to go to the doctor for my endo.  I know my options and I know where I stand.  If I am not wanting to be on birth control, then I see no real reason to go unless I am ready to talk surgery.  This weekend I realized I was ready to talk surgery.  And yet I always have this fear that I am jumping the surgery gun.  I can feel my cousin shaking her head at me right now, but I can't help but feel my feelings!  I worry that as soon as I tell my doctor how bad it is, that it will get better.  That maybe this weekend was all about a cyst and not about my endometriosis.  It is the difficult thing about having a disease you cannot see with out surgery.  It leaves a lot of questions, a lot of self evaluations.  And I am terrible at self evaluations.

What I do know is that I lost this weekend to pain.  I didn't get to spend it with my family, I had to spend it in bed on medication.  And still, I couldn't stop the tears, I couldn't keep it under control.  If these had been work days, there is no way I could have come in. And that is always my line.  If even on pain medication I can't function, it's time to talk to the doctor.  I will let you know what he says.

I am still collecting votes for Inspirational Family over with Circle of Mom's!  We are currently in 7th place.  If you have a second, please click over and vote!

Also, I have a new blog post up over at Bloggers for Hope about Endometriosis treatment options (Ha... kinda fitting for today, right?  It's all Endometriosis all the time around these parts)  Click over if you are interested!

Graduation

Henry graduated out of Speech Therapy this week.

 
Helllooooo ladies.  Would you like to have a conversation? Maybe even with sentences containing seven to nine words and correctly using -ing and plural?  I am totally game.

I don't even know how to talk about his speech delay anymore.  Because at this very moment, it is easy to let myself feel like it was never a thing at all.  We had questioned pulling him out of speech several times over the last few months, but decided to just let the therapists make the decisions and ride it out until the end. This week was his one year review and he officially tested out, all on his own.  The evaluation showed he is right on track, which is exactly where we thought he would be. There were no surprises.  His speech feels like a non-issue these days.

And yet...on Wednesday, as I sat in a meeting with his therapist and our case worker and we talked about how far he has come, about how well he is doing, about how smart he is, I was reminded of sitting there with these women a year ago.  About the fear and worry that had settled in my heart as we would go through session after session and he would continue to not say a word. Not. A. Word.  How I would look at the therapist with fear in my eyes and say "Are you sure... are you sure this is normal?  Are you SURE he will EVENTUALLY start talking?"

She said she was sure.  And she was right.

You don't realize how important having a child who can communicate with you can be until yours is at the age where you think he should be able to do it, and he isn't.  A year ago it was a constant struggle to know what he wanted.  Now, we just ask him.  It's a wonderful feeling.


Thank you all for your votes yesterday!  As of last night we were in 1st place, which is extremely cool.  This morning we have dropped back down to 4th, which is still an awesome spot.  You can vote everyday, so here is a link, if you have time.


Also, take a look at some of the other blogs on the list if you have time.  Some of them are truly amazing. Fill disclosure, some are much more inspirational that we are around here.  It is a honor to be listed with the women.   

Thanks for voting!

Circle of Moms Top 25 Inspirational Families

For those of you who were reading around these parts last year, you may remember that I was in the running for Circle of Mom's list of top 25 most inspirational families.  I begged you all to go vote for us and you guys were so great!  I ended up collecting enough votes to come in 4th, which to this day blows my mind and gives me joy deep in my heart. 

Well, last night I got an email that I am once again on the list of potential blogs for 2012.  So here I am again, asking for your votes.  I am not at all sure this blog is inspirational, but I do love to write it.  And I love that you all come here and read.  Having my blog listed feels like a small validation of my writing, even if it is a validation I am mostly getting on my own by begging my readers to vote.  I will try to not be annoying about it this year, but I will attach the little "vote for me" button on the bottom of my posts while the contest is running.  It is very easy to vote, no sign up or info required.  Just click over and find Bio Girl on the list.  We are currently in 3rd.  Click the thumbs up and you are done.  You can vote everyday if you are so inclined.


Just click here to vote!

Thanks for taking the time to vote for Bio Girl!  I know it's silly, but it actually means a lot to me.

My Valentine

He works harder than anybody I have ever known.  Always busy at something for work or the house, the yard or our family.  The man doesn't stop.


He loves his son.  Oh my god, how he loves him.  The play constantly, but he is also always teaching him.  He will carry in a piece of wood for a project and will call out to Henry that he needs help.  And together, they will walk it to where it needs to go.  He always includes him, always thinks of him, always has his best interest in his heart.  And at night time, when Henry should be in bed, often Nick is the one asking for 'five more minutes...'.  Because even after a long day, he wants just a little more time with is boy.



He makes me laugh.  He has this sense of humor that lifts my heart.  He loves cartoons and cookies and milk.  He is young at heart, and he keeps me young right along with him.


I love him more today than I did on our wedding day, and I loved him a LOT on that day.

I know it's cliche to talk about love on Valentine's Day.  But I don't really care.  I am so lucky to have him.  As my husband, as the father to our son, as my partner, as my very best friend. 

Better

So that overwhelmed, exhausted feeling I talked about on Friday has eased up.  The main reason is because Henry stayed the night with his Nana and Grandpa on Friday.  That allowed me to spend three solid hours working on all the STUFF I needed to do.  I am now completely caught up with class and my application is 100% finished. (Thank god!)  I breathed a huge sigh of relief, ordered a pizza and spent the night with Nick on the couch watching Cowboys and Aliens.  I don't remember the last time we actually watched an entire movie. It was glorious! (The time together.  The movie was okay) After that I went to bed and slept for eleven hours and woke up a new person!

Between Saturday and Sunday I managed to spend a lot of time relaxing, had dinner with friends, brunch with friends, and went to an actual movie at the THEATER.  NOT TOO BAD!  For the record, the movie was The Vow.  Also just okay, but still and enjoyable time.

Sometime during the week Nick watched an episode of How It's Made and decided he was up for the challenge of making sushi at home.  I am as surprised as you are.  We decided on California Roles, mainly to avoid actual raw fish on our first attempt, but also because I love them.  They came out So. Great.  You guys, they were amazing!  Like, they tasted like they were from a restaurant!  At this point I should have pictures of Nick making our California Rolls, but I didn't think of that until he was totally done.  (I am sorta worthless). I did manage to snap a rather grainy picture with my iphone of the final product...


Impressive, right??

Anyway, I DID also realize I haven't posted a picture of Henry in like WEEKS.  What is this blog coming to?  But I didn't realize it until 10:15 on Sunday night, so.... Here is what he looks like when you surprise him with a camera a 10:15pm!

Startled, and yet adorable!

This is what he looks like when he gets tired of me telling him to "Smile!  Henry. Henry.  Henry.  LOOK AT MAMA.  Henry.  SMILE!" and just goes back to Angry Birds.

And THIS is what he looks like about three seconds before he falls off the arm of the recliner.

Mother. Of. The. Year. (Don't worry too much, he fell cushion side, so it was a soft landing that only resulted in him saying "Henry fall down!")

You might be asking why on earth a two year old is up at 10:15pm. Well... He woke up from his nap at 4pm, but I was at the movie and Nick brought him out to the couch to just relax...and well... apparently they both fell asleep until 6pm. Right. Correction from above.

PARENTS. OF. THE. YEAR.

Exhaustion

You know you are truly exhausted when you fall into bed at night and drift right off to sleep, only to enter a dream where you are about to start running a 5K (I like how, even in my dream, I am not overly ambitious.  No marathon for me.  I will stick with a 5K THANK YOU VERY MUCH) but I keep falling asleep at the starting line.

That's right, I am so tired I am falling asleep IN MY SLEEP.

This application to my masters program is taking a lot of time and energy.  More than I expected, and right on the line of more than I have to offer right now.  Work is crazy busy so I am on my feet for my entire ten hour shift, then I am rushing home to have dinner with my family,and then to sit at the computer and continue work on the application.

Last night after spending the evening writing my CV I asked Henry if he wanted to come jump on mama's bed.  He ran into my arms and we started playing the Big Hug Game.  He runs across the mattress and jumps into my arms and I give him a big hug, picking him up of the bed as he giggles.  Then I open my arms and he falls onto the mattress, giggles turning into full blown laughter and delight.  He leaps up and yells 'AGAIN!'  So we do it again.  And again and again.  He has no idea how the Big Hug games is much more for Mama than Henry.

Papa joins us, picking up Henry and tossing him onto the bed.  Henry asks Mama to lay with him, and we laugh and laugh.  He then takes my hands and starts jumping all around the bed, yelling 'Henry is a JUMPING BEAN!'

At ten that night, after snacks and books, Henry is tucked in and sound asleep. I open my text book, reading a good chunk of the chapter I have due this week.  I take notes and mentally plan out my paper on the subject.  I email my references and attach my CV.  Then, around midnight I open my personal book I am reading.  Because I need just a little time for myself before I crash for the night.

Usually I have a pretty good balancing acting going on around here, but right now I am pushed thin.  It's just a little much, and I am exhausted.  But I refuse to give up what I enjoy most.  Playing with Henry, spending time with Nick, seeing my family, reading, blogging.  These are things I refuse to cut from my schedule.  So my sleeping time keeps shrinking and for now, hopefully just for a little while, I will be tired enough to dream about sleep.

The Weird Sisters-A BlogHer Book Club Review

This post is a book review for the BlogHer Book Club.  It is a paid review, but as always my thoughts and feelings are my own. 

The Weird Sisters by Eleanor Brown is most likely my favorite book I have read for BlogHer Book Club so far (it could possibly be tied with A Discovery of Witches, which I have now read twice and am anxiously awaiting the sequel).  This is actually the exact type of book I was hoping to find when I signed up for the book club.  It is an easy read and extremely enjoyable from start to finish.

The basic story is about three sisters, Rosalind (Rose), Bianca (Bean) and Cordelia (Cordy) whose father is a Shakespearean professor at a small college in Ohio.  The story weaves in and out of the three sisters lives and tells you how they each end up returning to their childhood home, each a little broken and lost, to care for this sick mother.  The narrators voice through out the story is a universal voice of the three sisters combine, commonly speaking for the joint prospective of the two sisters not at the center of the current chapter.  The father speaks mostly in Shakespearean quotes.  It is wonderfully written. The story is simple, and maybe it spoke to me because of the core family, two parents and three daughters,  is just like my own.  Although there were few similarities to my family beyond that point. My sisters and I have always been extremely close, and these three are not.  And yet their sisterly love comes through in every single page of this story.  They are so devoted to each other and to their parents, even if they swear they don't much care for one another. 

The story is about family, and the ties that bind. It is sweet and sad and just wonderful. I highly recommend it.  It doesn't disappoint.

We will be discussing The Weird Sisters over at BlogHer for the next several weeks.  Come join in the conversation!

Application

So you know how I am working on my Masters Degree? Yes? I keep reminding you? How could you forget? Right. Well, I am still doing that. And my class right now... Oh god, I love it. It is single handedly making me reevaluate what I want to do for a living. Not that that is extremely difficult. People talk about moving to Alaska to dig for gold and I am interested in signing up. I mean, you never know what you are good at until you try, right? And GOLD.... What could possibly go wrong??

Anyway, none of this is what this post is about. It isn't even about my class about Women's Health where I cannot seem to shut my damn mouth because apparently I feel that I know EVERYTHING about ANYTHING to do with reproductive health (which is our current topic). This post isn't even about the OTHER girl in class who keeps talking and I roll my eyes and say (in my head... of course) "PLEASE shut up! Let the professor talk. NOBODY CARES about your boyfriend's son's sex education class in middle school!" And then I catch myself on some spiel about some random 'body temping in relation to ovulation and family planning' (true example) and I realize that everyone in the class thinks that REALLY annoying girl and ME are exactly the same. *Hangs head in shame* *Raises hand again in class because I have just ONE MORE thing to add here...*

No, neither of those things are what this post is about, but clearly I should talk more about my class because I have LOTS to say. No, I am actually writing to tell you that I am in the process of applying for my graduate program. Which I bet you all assumed I was already in. Wrong! (Man, see how blogs can be misleading? Don't trust anything you read online these days. ) I have been taking these classes as a Post-Bach student, but last semester I hit my cap on classes allowed to be transferred into a program, so I have to apply to continue on with my degree.

No big deal, right? That's what I thought. I mean, it can't be much harder than just calling and telling them I want in, right? WHO WOULDN'T WANT ME?? Well, it remains to be seen if they actually want me, but the process of actually applying just might kill me. I have to have my transcripts sent, which is easy enough, but then I also have to enter in each class I have ever taken in my life. And not just like, write it out. Each one has to be entered in it's own little pop up box with like ten details. Do you all know how many classes I have taken? DO YOU? I just admitted to being sucked in to the idea of digging for gold. Can you IMAGINE how long it took me to pick a major?

On top of that I have to have 3-5 letters of recommendation, so I need to start talking to people about that. Not that I don't have people (I HAVE PEOPLE!) but just... I don't know. It seems like such a hassle to them.

But the gem of this entire process came up yesterday when I was asked to explain why I was placed on academic probation my freshman year. What exactly IS the politically correct way to say "I was young and stupid and partying and sleeping sounded SO MUCH MORE FUN than class!". Twitter was very helpful, telling me I should say "I was being treated for exhaustion". I wrote up a nice explanation which included things like  "Lack of focus... probation allowed me to realize education was important to me...As you can see, from then on I did extremely well" bla bla bla. I wrote it in word, then went to copy and past it into the program. I mistakingly thought it said I had no more than 600 words to explain, but when I pasted it I realized I only had 600 CHACATERS! Do you know how few that is?? DO YOU KNOW ME AND HOW MUCH I LOVE TO TAAAAAALK???

So anyway, the entire point of this post is to tell you that I did it. I managed to squeeze in my entire explanation for being a young dumb ass of a feshman into 600 characters. Actually, it was 598. That, right there, is Twitter's practical use in everyday life. If anybody asks why you are wasting time on there, just say you are perfecting the art of being concise. It really will pay off in the end.  You can use me as an example.  I don't mind.

The In's and Out's of Being Two

Henry has, hands down, the best stage fall I have ever seen in my life.  He could go pro in the toddler stage fall.  The smallest touch from Cici will bring on this body crumple, then a look up from the ground with eyes that say 'Did you SEE THAT?? Did you SEE what she has DONE to me!  She should be PUNISHED!'

But oh how he is fun to play with right now.  He gets games, he gets hide and seek.  When Nick comes in from work he will look at me and say, "Oh no Mama, HIDE ME!!" as he lunges under the desk.  As Nick walks into the room he will hear little giggles coming from under my feet as he says "Where is Henry?? Where is my BOY?"  At which point Henry will jump out and yell something along the lines of "RAWR!!"  And jump into Nick's arms.

He refuses to eat.  I do what I swore I would never do and will make him multiple dinner options just to attempt to get SOMETHING in him.  Begging him to just take ONE bite!  Just TRY IT!  Which is met with a definitive "NO.  ALL DONE."  It is maddening.

But then sometimes, when I ask what he wants to eat he will put his finger on his chin and tilt his head to the side and say "Hmmmmm..... peanutBUTter and BooNANA??" and then he will actually pump his fist in the air and nod his head as he takes bites of his favorite snack.

When he is playing and he doesn't want me to make him stop for lunch or nap or whatever it is that is now required of him, he will look at me and say "Mama, go away.".  And I can't lie, every time it breaks my heart a little.  We have discussed that it isn't nice to tell Mama (or Papa or anybody else, because this isn't only a Mama command) to go away, so he has now altered it to "Mama, read book." or "Mama, go change laundry".  Or, if all else fails, "FIVE MINUTES!! Mama, MAMA, FIVE MORE MINUTES!... TWO....TWO MINUTES!  PLLLEEEAASSE!  TWO MINUTES!!"   And sometimes he gets two  minutes.  Because damn, this kid is good at negotiating.

We are working on sharing.  Sometimes he is amazing about it, and other times... well, other times he is not so amazing.

We are working on being polite.  Telling everyone hello and goodbye, giving kisses, answering questions.  Giving hugs.  Sometimes he is amazing about it, and other times.... well, other times he is not so amazing.

We are working on consequences and punishments.  Sometimes I think I am never going to get through to him, that he has no concept of what is happening.  Then I tell him to stop throwing his Angry Birds toy at the blinds and he will take his bird, point his finger at him and say "No Angry Bird!  You need time out!" Then he sets him in his chair for a minute,  then picks him up and hugs him and they run off to play again.  Him and Angry Bird both staying clear of the window and any more trouble.   

He is two.  And sometimes I feel like I only talk about the easy stuff with Henry.  About the sweet and the good and I make him sound like a super two year old.  Like he is never hard, like he is never a challenge.  He is sometimes hard.  He is sometimes a challenge.  There are nights where Nick and I fall into bed and ask ourselves "Why was today so HARD?"  But most nights we lay in bed and think of how lucky we are.  Because he is here and he is perfectly normal and, at the same time, completely extraordinary.  He is two, and two is sometimes hard. But he is ours.

And This Time I Mean It!!

Have you all see the episode of Futurama where Bender runs away and he leaves the note with the check boxes, and at the bottom there is the space to check "AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT"??  It looked sorta (exactly) like this:


I have wanted a list like this for my blog for a little while now. I Feel like I seem to mention the same few self improvement plans again and again (and again). "But THIS TIME!!" I want to shout. "THIS TIME I MEAN IT!" So I went ahead and used my graphic designing skills to make my own check list:

No need to compliment me on said graphic skills. It has already been covered last week. Although if you are interested in hiring me for some important design job, I gladly accept Paypal payments. 

starts to type out some half ass excuse for worthless Photoshopping skills.. "I am busy... no time...could... do... better...if..." *trails off because realizes there is no good way to end this sentence

ANYWAY.  You guys, I am really serious about losing weight.  After putting it on my New Year's resolution list I sorta floundered around for the entire month of January.  Commonly thinking about it, but never actually DOING anything to aid in my final goal of fifteen (I wouldn't complain if it were more like twenty) pounds of weight loss.  As January drew to a close I got on the scale and realized I had only dropped a depressing three pounds.  "BUT..."  I said to nobody in particular.  "I THOUGHT about it so much... seems like that should have at least burned a pound a week...."

So now I am committing.  I know how to lose weight.  Calorie counting is what works best for me.  I didn't want to pay for Weight Watchers (which has been my go to diet in the past... and to it's credit it always works) so I sent out a cry for help to Twitter.  They told me about My Fitness Pal.  It tracks your calories, has a huge database of foods, and has a bar code scanner on their app.  Oh, and it's totally free!  It gives me graphs (I LOVE GRAPHS!) sets goals, tells me each day "If every day were like today, in five weeks you would weight ____!!"  which I read as "KEEP IT UP!!  YOU ARE DOING IT!!"

 So here I go.  I signed up and put in all my information, and the site told me in order to lose the weight I want, I need to eat 1200 calories a day.  Which... okay, sorta feels like starving myself.  Not sorta, it TOTALLY feels like starving myself.  But still... STILL.  I am serious.  My friend Whitney told me that eating raw bell peppers helps in getting a flat stomach (I have no idea if this is true...) so bring it on! Guess who is eating a raw yellow pepper with lunch today??  Screw you crunches, I am going to bell pepper my way to a lovely flat stomach by summer time!

  I am on board.  I am gung-ho.  I am going to lose this weight, and I am going to keep it off.

AND THIS TIME, I MEAN IT!