Postponed

I just got a call from my doctor.  And right as the call came in, I was sitting at work thinking "Thank god my surgery is tomorrow. I cannot deal with this pain for another day." I am so miserable.

The nurse said that my doctors wife fell while out of town.  She is hurt and they had to call an ambulance. He is on his way to be with her. They need to  move my surgery.  And I feel so bad for his wife. How scary to have such a bad fall. I don't mean to ignore that she is hurt.  And yet...

  I cannot stop crying.  (I know. the story of my life right now).  They wanted to move it to next Thursday, but another week of this pain is so unthinkable to me.  Plus next weekend is Henry's birthday party.  And not that we can't cancel it, or move it. But the following several weekends are already full of events and I just can't even focus enough to make a plan right now.  I want this to be over. I want this pain gone. And waiting another week to get this pain under control.... or even waiting two to get past his party....it feels like a lifetime from this moment. I am just so heart broken that I can't be fixed now. That I can't start healing tomorrow.  That I don't get to finally start feeling like I am putting this pain behind me.

I asked if another doctor can do it.  They say not tomorrow.  Maybe early next week.  I cried harder, they said they will see if anybody can do it Friday.  They can't promise anything.  They don't know.

I will know more tomorrow.  And it's okay. I just need to stop these tears and it will be okay. It will all work out.  Eventually. Hopefully on Friday.  Hopefully.  Maybe.  No promises.  But it's where I am pinning all my hope for tonight.