It isn't even that I don't post. Because I do (which I am sure you notice by how I pop up in your reader 2-3 times per week). I think and scratch my head and finally go "YES! I will post that picture of Henry. It's cute" Or "I could tell people he is sick lately... that's a post." But what I don't seem to be able to do right now is sit down and put into words what is happening in my real and everyday life. Not like I used to. Not like I did with infertility or the early days of parenting. I feel like my blog has slowly slid from a form of therapy that you all read (thanks guys!) to a place where I feel that I need to publish SOMETHING, but all the real stuff, the big stuff, is too complicated to write about.
I have no idea what this means. I am just writing it out, because I feel like it's the elephant in the blog room. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe it only feels that way to me. But then I think of Dooce, and how much her blog has changed since she sectioned off that BIGGEST THING in her life and marked it as PRIVATE. And she has that right. It's her private life, and it's fine if she doesn't want to discuss it. But oh, how the blog reads different. And although I know I don't have a billion followers like she does, I feel like to my readers, it is most likely clear. I am no longer talking about what I am spending most of my time thinking about. And I hate that.
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My grandfather is very sick. For awhile it was very scary, but now it isn't quite as scary... but still... not exactly 'out of the woods' comfortable.
Missy is having some side effects from her treatments (they are hard on her kidney's) and she has to take a break for a couple weeks. She goes back to the NIH in two weeks to see how things are looking on this new medication. The entire subject just breaks my heart, every single moment of every single day.
My final exam is next week.
I am still working on getting my 200 hours in for my practicum form my masters program. I was hoping to be done this semester, but I still have 60 hours to put in. I am trying to ignore that it might not be done at the start of the next semester.
Nick is working 13 hour days as he gives his finals to his students this week. I can't believe he has been teaching an entire semester already.
Henry still has a terrible cough and I have no idea if it's a "needs a doctor" kinda cough or just a "kids cough" kinda cough.
I am worried about.... everything. All the time.
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But on the plus side,
I spent the day with my grandparents yesterday and it was a great visit.
Henry is loving school and drop off is so much easier.
I had dinner with my family (parents, sisters) the last couple of nights and it was wonderful family time together.
I love my new job. Still.
Nick and I are both off work from December 21st to January 2nd because the University is closed, so we get to spend that time together as a family.
We decorated for Christmas and it gives me joy.
Henry still adores Aech and loves finding him every morning.
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It's all the ups and downs of life, I guess. And I used to talk about all of that on here. And then I stopped. Because it's hard to talk about, and because lots of things are private to other people, and I try to respect that. And honestly, because I worry that some of these things aren't interesting. But still, if I am going to continue to use this space, I need to find the way to get back to being honest here. Not just to post pictures or cop-out posts. But to really talk about my life. Even if it's things nobody cares about but me.
I hope you don't mind. Actually, I hope you like it better. I think I will.
Give yourself time. Just because you're not blogging about it now doesn't mean you won't in a week, or a month, or six months. Sometimes things don't lend themselves to this kind of sharing right away. Some things never do.
ReplyDeleteI have a number of big things that I'm planning to post about . . . eventually. I am working on it--I have drafts--but I'm still getting my head around things.
Sometimes I post what I think of as "part one" or an introduction to the topic. Sometimes I wait until I have a sense of the whole. It depends on the topic and what I'm feeling.
Don't beat yourself up--that's the most important thing, no matter what you share or don't share. Because none of us "owes" our readers anything. Not even Dooce.com.
Oh, how I can relate to the lack of blogging. Life is just to busy with the mundate things. (And I'm too lazy to go in the basement where the computer is!).
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have a lot of 'Life happenings' going on right now too. I hope everything works out and you get to enjoy your time off until the new year!