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We drive down the road and see a car that looks like hers, and Henry shouts "THERE'S AUNT MIMI! SHE ISN'T IN HEAVEN! She is RIGHT THERE!"
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Boo walks into the farm and sees her shoes by the door, which mom is now wearing. Boo sees them and thinks "OH MISSY'S..." She said she didn't get all the way to "here" before she remembered... but for a moment, just an instant, she was so happy.
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Henry was on his way to swim lessons with Aunt Boo when he asks "Aunt Boo, will Mimi be at swim class?" Boo asked him what he thought and he said "No... Aunt Mimi died so she wont be there." He was quiet for a second, then said "Caterpillar is really sad".
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We celebrated Easter with my parents on Sunday. When we gathered around to pray, my dad said "Is everyone here?" with this confusion in his voice, because this can't be everyone, can it? Then he simply said "It just doesn't feel like it."
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We finished packing her apartment last week. The movers arrived on Saturday, and just like that, Missy no longer had her own little apartment downtown. A few things went into storage, but most of her beloved items found new homes with those who loved her most. Everywhere I look at my house, now I see Missy. The bread box, the wooden chest, the green glass pitcher or the table and chair on our front porch; the pair of TOMS or the little teal cardigan. She is everywhere, she is always with us, and yet it is not enough. I feel her presence, and at the exact same time I constantly feel her absence. And in a way, it feels so wrong to have her things at my house, because I so desperately want her here to need them. I want her to walk in and ask for them back.
Since I know she can't, we will surround ourselves with her things; we will think of her when we look at them, but we are already thinking of her all the time anyway, so that won't be anything new.
A few of Missy's sweet things, which found a home in my kitchen
I love that pitcher, soo cute. Thinking of you often. xo
ReplyDeleteThis made me bawl. I don't know how you are doing it, Sarah. I just can't even imagine. Hugs and love to you and your family. xo
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. It is so hard. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteSo many reminders, it makes me so sad to think of how much you must be missing her every single day. xxx
ReplyDeleteI lost my sister and her husband a few years ago. Cleaning out their house was absolutely excruciating. It was complicated because we had to decide what to save for their 4 children too. I actually just wrote a post about my grief popping up in weird places...a song, folding laundry, etc. Their things remind us of them, but as you said all we want is for them to walk in the door. I am so sorry for your loss. She sounded like a really amazing person.
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