Braces and Grief

So I got braces.

Now is when I would usually say I can't believe I forgot to tell you, but that would be a lie.  I wasn't really sure how to write this post, so I just continued to NOT write it, choosing to go with heart friendly soccer or circus pictures instead.  I have known I was getting braces for months.  I have been to the consultation, the creating of the molds, the application of the braces on the bottom teeth, the ordering of the Invisalign  for the top teeth, back in to have brackets that popped off replaced... it's been a process.  A completely non-talked-about process.

photographic evidence of said braces was attempted, but mostly unsuccessful since the only braces you can actually SEE are on the bottom teeth.  Photographic evidence of me being an idiot while attempting to photograph said bottom braces was most definitely achived..

Missy left us some money.  Enough money to do one of those things you always want to do, but never have the money around to do it... something like home repairs, or taking a family trip or...getting braces. And when we decided on what to do, this is where we settled.  I would get the braces I have wanted and needed for years, and they would be a gift from Missy.

Missy and I had braces when we were young (damn boo and her naturally straight teeth).  We went to appointment after appointment together, living the tragic life of a metal mouthed teenager and all the woes that inflicts together.  Once we finally (FINALLY!) got them off, Missy became a prime example of what happens if you DO wear your retainer, and I became an example of what happens if you don't....

After we lost her we went through picture after picture after picture of our sweet Missy.  And the same thing was said again and again, what a beautiful smile.  Our orthodontist actually came to the visitation, seeing the picture of her in the paper, with that smile, and remembering her.  So when we found out about the money, Nick thought of this.  Something from her, something that will remind us of her constantly, something that she would be so happy to have a part of...

So I got braces.  And it's hard to talk about because they are so closely tied to my grief.  And my grief is hard right now.  Changing from spring to summer was hard, a season passing and she wasn't here.  Now, are we move into fall, it is hard again. It's always hard, but it's hardER.  The leaves are changing, we are talking about Halloween costumes, pumpkin patch trips, football games and soccer season, and she is still not here. And it continues to take my breath away with missing her.

This weekend was Boo's birthday and we were talking about how hard this all is; the events, the milestones, the life that is continuing to move forward even without her here.  Boo said it perfectly when she said "I am no longer in shock or denial.  I understand what has happened, I believe it... I just MISS HER.  I miss her so much". 

I miss her too.  And I am so grateful for her gift.  I promise I will wear my retainers after these braces come off.  And whenever I look in the mirror and like my smile, I will think of how much I love my sweet baby sister.