My Sweet Boy

At one thirty in the morning I heard him coming our way. Little feet walking down the hard wood hallway mixed with the rattle of his beloved caterpillar which he held in his arms.  Usually he is half asleep as he touches my shoulder to get into our bed, but this morning he was more awake, all grins.  I kissed his head, pulled him over my body and tucked him in to our bed where he promptly fell back asleep.

We sometimes half-heartedly tell him he should really try to stay in his own bed all night.  I mean, he should, right?  I guess.  He is growing up so fast.  Sometimes I look at him and it's hard to see the baby or toddler or preschooler he was just months ago.  He has grown up so much since the start of school.  I tell myself the fact that he easily goes to sleep in his own bed is good enough.  One day soon he will wake up in the night and decide he would much rather just stay put.  Of course it happens sometimes now, and when it does I wonder, "Is that it?  Are the 'Mama, can I sleep with you?' days over too?"  But a night or two later he is back, and I am happy to see him.  My middle of the night hugs and kisses can continue for a little while longer.

I was thinking this morning as I packed his lunch about the life I envisioned in the moments after he was born, as the doctor told us he was a boy.  A boy.  Pictures of playing in the dirt and jumping off swing sets filled my mind.  No time for hugs and kisses, he was a boy.  A BOY!  How full my heart was with just the idea of him, while I had absolutely no idea what having a boy, or really, what having our Henry would be like.

He is so full of hugs and kisses.  So full of love.  He is cautious, and careful.  He is thoughtful and compassionate.   He loves being outside but doesn't necessarily love being dirty.  He loves playing tball but is just as happy playing kitchen or drawing pictures.  He loves puppies and kitties, legos and video games.  He has such an amazing imagination and can play with his toys, just him on his own, for ages.  He loves making up stories and reading books.  Oh how he loves his cousins and his friends.  He is uniquely himself, and god, I love every single inch of him.  Sometimes so much it literally hurts my heart. 

You are getting so big, kiddo.  And yet you will always and forever be my baby.